Thank you and goodbye

I’ve been thinking about writing this post for some time now.  And I finally just started writing it, which means, this is probably the best time to do it….

This blog has been cathartic, a place for me to rant and rave, and discuss my love life (or lack thereof….) But it has also been a place to vent and complain and try and get some of the negativity out of my life.

And some times it worked, and at other times, it didn’t. And I would read it back over and wondered “who was that raving lunatic complaining about the world?” Of course I knew it was me, but I didn’t like what I became. The blog was supposed to fun and a place where people could discuss their dating lives and help me along the way. Sometimes I just felt worse after writing a post.  Never a good thing…

For a long time this blog met its purpose of letting all disucss their experiences. But, then it turned into a sounding board for me – and me only. A whining board, really. I didn’t like what I turned it into.  So for the last time, let me give you an update on where I stand:

• I am taking a break from dating. I took myself off the dating sites I was on because they turned into a crutch for me. And I would let myself get down on myself. It stopped being fun.
• I am focusing on creating a balanced life. Work is good – but it’s not overtaking the rest of my world like it used.  Or well, like I let it overtake…
• I am heading to LA later this week, for what should be an amazing (albeit, short) vacation to see some friends and do some exciting new things.  Once in a lifetime new things.
• I am planning trips to Nantucket, Miami, Detroit (for a baby), and possibly Denver (for a wedding) – all between May - September. Insane, I know. But you only live once. I just hope for said wedding, I have a +one to bring with me.
• I realized I am one lucky duck for having a great life – one that I both created and fell into all at the same time.

So, long story short. Thank you for the last few years of hearing my rant and rave and letting me act like a crazy lunatic. I met a lot of great peope along the way and I learned a lot of valuable lessons as well.  Some of you, I no longer speak to, and as much as that sucks, I thank you for being in my life and teaching me things about me that I never thought I could or would want to learn. And I’m not necessarily referencing the men I used to date.

This has been a great experience. But like all good things, this too, shall come to an end.  I wish everyone who has read this blog, even just once, a very happy life. You have enriched mine.  Maybe one day I’ll return, but for now, thank you and goodbye.

It’s Been a Long Time

Sorry it’s been so long. It hasn’t been for any reason other than the fact I haven’t had much to write.  A couple of men have come in and out of my life and I just haven’t had a lot to write on in that realm.

The good thing is – I’ve been able to focus on me.  Which I realized was the right thing to do. I spent 2011 working on cleaning out my life. Not the bad necessarily, but working on the things that no longer “worked for me.” I’m a different person than I was a year, two years, five years ago. I’ve changed in my 30s and realized new things about me and I’m comfortable with who I am. Finally!

I don’t make resolutions every year – I just try and better myself. Which is what I’ve been doing the past couple of weeks – cleaning out my closets, hanging out with my girls, planning my trips this year, and working on just being happy even if I’m alone on my couch watching bad TV.

Do you make resolutions? Are you comfortable with who you are? I hope so – because we all need to be comfortable and happy in our skin.

And yes, I do believe that if I’m super comfortable with me, the rest will fall into place.  2012 will be my year!

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Is It Always Back & White – Part 2?

OK, so a lot has happened in the past week since I wrote my last post.  We texted and talked and he apologized for a jerky move. He had no excuse other than that he got caught up with his trip, which I understand. More than understand; I said I just wish he told me he couldn’t meet anymore.  He agreed.  But was happy I wasn’t  mad.  We’ve gone back and forth a lot since then. Including trying to schedule last minute drinks before he had to fly out, but the dating Gods were against us and he ended up flying out a day sooner b/c of a freak Nor’easter. BFF believes that this is someone’s way of intervening.  I have to agree. She is a smart cookie.

So as this unfolds, I am no longer going to overanalyze the situation. I am not going to try and force fit anything. I am just going to let it be. We talked about getting together once he’s settled into his new place in a few weeks. I told him I would take him on a tour of Beantown and that he would have to plan the evening after that. To which he said, he’s looking forward to making it a fun date night.

Let’s hope this time he makes good on that promise.

Is It Always Black & White?

Or are there shades of gray when dating?

OK, friends, I have a little story to share. One I’m not happy about and one I’m working through. About a month ago, I met someone online. He’s not from here, but is moving here for his job and will be in the same city as me in less than a month. For the past three or four weeks, we’ve emailed, we’ve talked, we texted. We got to know one another pretty damn well. And when he found out when he was coming up here to apartment-hunt, he made it known he wanted to see me.  Take me out, have dinner and drinks.

Well, that week is this week. As of this weekend, we had planned to meet on Wednesday night (last night) - place TBD once he figured out his hotel situation.  Calm down - it was so we could pick a spot close to his hotel so he could get there easily by public transport. Last time we spoke was way into the wee hours of Sunday morning.  And then we texted later that afternoon.

That was when I last heard from him.We didn’t argue, we didn’t have a disagreement – it was just the last time I heard from him. His flight was due in two nights ago and I texted him welcoming him here.  No response.

My heart sunk. And I cried myself to sleep, with Bella beside me. And I prayed that if I didn’t hear from him, that I’d gain strength to move on, quickly. May sound dramatic when you think I  never met the guy in person. But we clicked and for some reason I felt a great connection/pull towards him.  And he did too – he verbalized it more than me.

I woke up that next morning – hopeful I missed a text or a call in the middle of the night. And when I didn’t, when I realized he didn’t even have the decency to text back a simple “thanks”, I realized I never would hear from him again.

My friends, although they think I am right to move on, think I should still be hopeful. One said its not black and white. If I do hear from him, I should meet up with him and see where it goes.  Maybe he is overwhelmed with the move (I would be), maybe he met someone else, but in the end, he owes nothing to me.  At most, maybe some courtesy to tell me after these weeks of him saying how much he wanted to see me, that he no longer did. But that is still a gray area. Maybe I will hear from him while he’s in town later this week. Maybe I’ll hear from him again when he moves here permanently.  Like my friend said, its not black and white.

As I look out at the grayness outside my window, I realize she’s right. There is no black and white with dating – there are all shades of gray. Who knows what happened? What he got involved in this week? Maybe he got spooked? Maybe he found someone else? Unless I talk with him, I’ll never know.

And while my peeps think that there is hope and I’ll hear from him soon, I have to trust my gut even when it hurts and realize, sometimes these questions may be left unanswered and will forever lie around in several shades of gray.

Why Lie On An Online Profile?

Sorry its been a few weeks since I last posted, but it has been a busy time in my life.  All good stuff and more to discuss later on, but right now I’ve been swirling a big question around in my brain: why do people lie when they post an online profile?

Random question, I know. But is it? Here’s why I ask. I went out with someone I met on eHarmony last night. He was someone I’ve been chatting and texting with from some time.  And last night, I was work a bit later than usual and he texted me.  After some back and forth, we decided to meet at a popular restaurant in a town close to both of us. I was looking forward to meeting him, even on short notice, because online, he seemed to be a good guy.  Cute, talkative/inquisitive, active, good head on shoulders.

But online profiles can be deceiving.  Yes, he was cute, yes he was talkative when prompted, and yes he was definitely active. However, it suddenly appeared to me why, during our previous correspondence, he avoided any work discussions. Basically, he had a really great job at a major computer company, but about a year ago decided to branch off on his own.  Good right? Yes, but he also said since he did that 10 months ago, he’s spent the last eight months on vacation. A little Peter Pan syndrome in not wanting to grow up – fine, I get it. Enjoy it if you can.

But the bigger thing that I noticed – and it may seem nitpicky, but go with me on it – is that he definitely was not as tall as he claimed he was on his online profile. And I have to ask “why is that?” Why lie about your height to a prospective girlfriend, when clearly it will come out. It makes me wonder, if you can lie about height and you can avoid your work discussion, what else are you hiding?  What else are you holding back on? For me, the date left me with more questions than answers.

Like I said, the superficial stuff may seem petty, but I do think it could lend itself to a larger issue in the end. We should all be proud of ourselves and our accomplishments and who we are.  Why mask it with even a little deceit on an online profile? It just makes me a bit leary about others who may be doing all the same.

The outcome of the night? Well, we ended on a positive note, a hug goodbye, and that was it. I don’t think I’ll hear from him again, but that’s fine.  That’s what dating is all about – meeting new people and having the faith that one day,  you’ll meet one of your soulmates.

I believe it will happen for me. And one day soon, maybe I’ll have some new updates for you on it.

Sometimes It’s Not You

I am being totally unoriginal with this title, but I’m going to give credit where credit is due.  I just read a fabulous piece on The New York Times Fashion & Style section.

Penned last week by Sara Eckel, the article focused on a dilemma she faced when first dating her now husband. The dilemma started when he asked her long it had been since her last relationship.  The horror of a question when you start counting the length in months and years.   Like many women who faced weeks,  months, or even years without a serious commitment, this can be viewed by some as a downfall or a black mark on you.  A big old “A” on your chest, except instead of A for adulter, it could be “L” for long time since boyfriend.

Like Sara, I’ve spent some many hours pondering what is wrong with me, analyzing the length of my hair, buying candles, filling my calendar with events to fulfill me, and bitching to my girlfriends about not having a relationship. I’ve spent countless hours working on ways to improve and educate myself (though I hope that even when I find my match, I’ll continue to do so). And like her, I agree, not many married women would want to trade places with me being a single gal with a ton of freedom and a calendar waiting to be filled. But you know, that’s OK.  Right now, this is my life and I should embrace the opportunities ahead of me.

As I read her article, so much resonated with me. I could relate to so many things she said or felt.  And I have to admit, as I looked back at my own reinvention, I realized that most times I am OK with my life and I’m just looking for someone who wants me for me. Good, bad, ugly, bitchy, and annoying me.  Not the me I feel I should become.

Hopefully my path takes me in a similar direction as Sara’s.  I want to find someone who doesn’t look at me as a problem to solve or a puzzle to put together.  But someone who looks at the men who could easily cast me aside as “idiots” and that he’s the lucky that found me. Rants, raves, and all.

Now, if only that could happen sooner rather than later!