Dating is Easy, Relationships Take Effort

10 Mar

OK, so I actually feel a bit lighter than I have felt in a long time.  It’s tough – putting all your faith in the universe (yes, I’m channeling The Secret.) But it also makes you feel well, lighter knowing that you don’t have to put in any effort into the “how” of it all.  Yes, BFF – I’m listening.

I was chatting with a colleague yesterday (yay cubemate) – when another colleague/friend came by and jokingly asked if I found a new guy already.  After I shooshed away the second person, my cubemate  said to me “dating is easy, it’s relationships that take effort.” He then referenced past college dating escapades and we went down a rathole, but I digress (not my stories to tell!) But his words struck a cord with me.

I can date half the men in Boston – hell, I feel that I have, but actually moving that from dating to a real relationship where you have to care about another person and take their feelings into consideration, is the tough part.  Hence, why I have to pose the question AGAIN of whether I am jaded or cautiously experienced.

BSF and I speak about this often.  I know when she first started on this dating journey, she couldn’t fathom my comments when I said that it was tough for me to date one person at a time because I would need to incorporate that person into my life and take their feelings into consideration and god forbid – make plans with them (READ: NOT SELFISH!) Maybe I am not jaded or cautiously experienced or even the perpetual bachelorette that I claimed I once was. Maybe I just need to figure out how to make the effort and incorporate that person into my life.

I’m so used to being on my own, maybe I am sending out signals to the universe that I need to be single in order to stay who I am. Maybe I just need to send out the signal that I am ready to make that effort. That I am looking for that one person, and for the first time in my life ready to incorporate them into the life I feel I already have.

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6 Responses to “Dating is Easy, Relationships Take Effort”

  1. jolene1079 March 10, 2010 at 11:24 am #

    So true – I TOTALLY get what you mean now more than I ever did before! Sorta similar to my blogs on letting go of routing – MY routine – and incorporating someone else into it. It is WAY harder than I ever thought, and I haven’t really even had to do it much yet!

    • Mel March 10, 2010 at 12:20 pm #

      See??? I guess I was sending out the wrong vibes. I always thought of myself as that independent, career-oriented woman. No wonder I got used to my routine – but it blocked people from coming entering my life. I’m at the point now where I feel I can incorporate and do it successfully so I’m happy.

  2. the urban dater March 10, 2010 at 4:49 pm #

    Strong post! First time reader of the blog. You have some great content here. Anyway, effort is key in dating and relationships. Kind of a low hanging fruit, isn’t it?

    We speak in two languages 1. words and 2. actions. Our effort takes shape in our actions mostly, and tell the stories we don’t tell with words.

    I did have a post on relationships and effort to reference that I think is relevant:
    http://theurbandater.com/opinion/relationships-so-easy-a-caveman-can-do-it-part-4.php

  3. Mel March 10, 2010 at 5:03 pm #

    Thanks!! I agree – we, as human beings, definitely speak in these two languages. I just wish sometimes that two “gelled” together. I can’t wait to read more on your site!!

  4. jsutera654 March 10, 2010 at 5:04 pm #

    Very well-said, friend. It’s true, relationships take work, even the best of relationships aren’t easy. If they were easy, nobody would be single, right?? And it’s totally ok to NOT want to put the effort into a relationship, too – when you’re ready to commit to all that it means to build a relationship, you’ll know…and it seems like you are ready to pony up your end of the “effort” relationship. I just wish I could wave a fairy wand and find that perfect guy for you, cuz lord knows you totes deserve it lady! xoxo

    • Mel March 10, 2010 at 5:16 pm #

      Love, love, love the fact you just said “totes” in your reply. I know my Prince Charming is out there. The universe will bring him to me. (But if you do find a fairy wand, waving it around can’t hurt the situation.)

      XO

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