When Do You Stop Comparing?

12 Apr

Things have been going really well with the latest.  He’s smart, funny, cute, can talk with anyone, a pretty good kisser, and constantly tries to make me smile. This all in all, is refreshing.  I’m taking the advice of my psychic and trying to meet him in the middle instead of going 100% of the way to him. I’m letting him make all of the first moves, instead of forcing things to happen. And I’m letting this whole relationship – whatever it turns out to be – unfold naturally.

Which is why it feels so UNnatural to me.

I’m usually an all or nothing kind of girl.  I either really dig a guy, can’t stop thinking about him, and want to be with him all the time (which can be dangerous b/c I’m pumping myself up for disaster) OR I could care less. Like I don’t want to pick up the phone when he calls – and I let it go to voicemail so many times that he finally gets the hint.  Cowardly, I know, but sometimes it’s just easier that way.

I have a lot of male experiences to compare him to and since I’m still dating, we can all assume they ended because they weren’t the right fit for me. So I must have been doing something wrong all these years and shouldn’t compare him to any other guys. But how can I not? And more importantly – how do I stop? I like this guy and for the first time in a really long time feel comfortable and not worried or rushed.  I’m really happy in the dating process and want to get to know him more, but how do I NOT compare him to past relationships and not sabotage this whole thing?

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9 Responses to “When Do You Stop Comparing?”

  1. jolene1079 April 12, 2010 at 1:16 pm #

    It is hard not to compare – as we’ve discussed, but I think you need to do what I am trying my best to do (or was trying to do) – observe how you feel when you’re with him, take it one day/date at a time, and see where it goes. It’s the “we’ll see” factor! 😉

    • Mel April 12, 2010 at 2:30 pm #

      You do realize how hard this “we’ll see” factor is for me!?!?! But yes, you’re right.

      • jolene1079 April 12, 2010 at 2:46 pm #

        YES – I do realize that, and it IS hard 😉 I know!

  2. Tcurtis April 12, 2010 at 2:26 pm #

    “Wait and see” being completely unnatural is exactly why you and I are friends. Wading through those waters myself and it stinks. I’m doing my best to maintain positive thoughts (and redirect some of the extra energy towards something, anything else, but its rough man. I like to plan. Its what I do.

    But, you do need to stop the comparisons, they’ll only slow you down. I compared everyone to a certain out-of-stater for a long, LONG, time (an embarrassingly long time). Only when I stopped, did everything else gain a little more clarity. Fight the good fight, sister!

    • Mel April 12, 2010 at 2:30 pm #

      I know! Keep those positive thoughts flowing my friend – I’ll do the same for you. We’ll wade through it together (as we have done so for many years!) Many XOXO to you today – I’m thinking of you, L, and D today.

  3. Sara April 12, 2010 at 3:03 pm #

    I think everyone is doomed to compare a new person they are dating to others they have dated or had a relationship with. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. I think everyone does it. Just try not to let it consume you. Just acknowledge it. Take anything useful from it, and then jump back into the present. My experience is that the “comparing” lessens or goes away as time goes on and a relationship builds with this person. XO

    • Mel April 12, 2010 at 5:08 pm #

      I know it lessens as time goes by. It’s just tough not too consume, but I am getting better. XO

  4. Single Girl April 12, 2010 at 11:06 pm #

    When you discover the answer to this, let me know 🙂

    • Mel April 13, 2010 at 3:53 pm #

      Of course my dear! But I think I need to have a really healthy, adult relationship first. It has been awhile since I’ve had one of those.

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