He Never Said “I Love You”

20 Apr

Random post, I know. But as I read BSF’s blog on what was going on in her mind – I started having a side conversation with her about our mutual friends she mentioned in her post. And as happy as I am for them, and as much as I hope BSF finds love again, I randomly blurted out, “well I never heard the words ‘I love you’ before.” Not from a man. Well my daddy – but that does NOT count.  Ewww. And more importantly, never from the Seven Year Man. After telling her this, BSF was in a word – shocked.  And her responses are summed up nicely here:

  • You were together SEVEN YEARS and never??
  • That’s crazy. insane./ wow. I’m blown away

And a few other choice words which I won’t divulge, but you get the drift.

Nope – after seven+ years dating this man on and off, I got nothing. I got the “I care for you and love you as a friend.” But that’s not the same. Not even close to the same. It is weird – standing on the threshold of 32 and never hearing the words almost everyone around has been told countless times by their partner. I stood by that man for so long, gave him my everything, and he never could…not once, give me what I truly needed from him.

That is the one thing, to this day, I hate about him. I really, really, really want to just punch his face in sometimes for putting me through all he did. I did everything for him – when he wanted companionship, someone to take care of him, run errands with him, come to him. I was there. Always. No questions asked.  But me – he could barely visit me when he worked 2 miles away from my apartment and I was sick. He was – very briefly – a selfish fucking bastard. And I’m better off without him. I know that. And time does heal all wounds – I am much stronger now than I ever was when I was with him.

Sometimes, I’m still curious about him once in a great while. And about his girlfriend of three + years (hey – Facebook never lies.) I wonder: how could he not fall in love with me, but fall in love with the person right after me? What does she have that I didn’t?  It makes me go into tailspin thinking about it – and it’s not a healthy place to be.  And thankfully, I only think of him from time to time. And thankfully, I’m at the point in my life, that I could give a rat’s ass about him or what he is doing or how is doing most of the time.

He just sucks. But for better or for worse, he helped shape who I am today.  He made me realize what I do and do not want in a man.  And gratefully, I am a better person for it. For me, he was a bad, bad man, and am very happy he is no longer in my life.

Wow – I feel a bit better, but know there may be more posts about this topic. I didn’t realize how much pent up anger I still had towards this man.

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5 Responses to “He Never Said “I Love You””

  1. jolene1079 April 20, 2010 at 9:07 am #

    I LOVE YOU FRIEND!! Seriously, I’m still shocked by that – you deserve all-encompassing love and I know you will find it. You deserve it – and that mofo, well, he’s just a mofo…not worth one more thought. XO.

  2. jsutera654 April 20, 2010 at 9:28 am #

    Friend, I’m speechless. You SO deserve to be loved and to be TOLD you are loved. Keep that expectation bar high my friend, you deserve the world, seriously. As Jo said – I love you, too 😉

    • Mel April 20, 2010 at 9:36 am #

      Yeah, I guess I never told you guys about this aspect of our “relationship.” I don’t want to completely badmouth him – he def cared for me and was there during some of the biggest events in my life. Good and bad. But, I’ve realized – especially lately – it’s more about the little things in life. Wanting to spend time with me – even if it’s watching a game and playing Wii bowling. Or making plans for a fun day date. But that is for another post, another day. 🙂

  3. Pippi April 20, 2010 at 8:43 pm #

    Hi Mel!! He SUCKS. I will punch him for you in his tool. 🙂

    • Mel April 20, 2010 at 8:48 pm #

      I’ll email you his address!!!

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