Que Sera Sera

23 Apr

It was kind of a fitting song that I heard this morning. Yes, when I left S’s house this morning.  One would think that would be a positive thing to say – but it isn’t.

I think that is the first time I sleep over at S’s – and the last.

Let me say this first. I am not a jealous person. I think it’s a wasted emotion. I do.  So I have no problem that he goes out often, that he has several female friends. No problem whatsoever. He is who he has been for the last 37 years, and I am who I have been for the last 31. I would never ask him to change who he was for me – in fact, I encourage him to go out and see his friends, because that’s what I want to do.

What I don’t encourage is rudeness.

He is a gentleman in many way – is polite, opens doors for me, makes plans.  Please don’t get me wrong. I do not want to bad mouth him.  But we’re still in the wooing stage – the place where you still want to put your best foot forward.

So it upset me when he started acting like we’ve already been dating for six months.

There is one more thing about me that you should know – I’ve been in tech PR/communications since 1999. I get it. I love my BB, am pining for an iPhone, have two iPods, two computers, want the 3D TV.  But I don’t think any of that should take away from being a polite person.

Here’s where I’m going with it. He is a Blackberry addict. I mean, he…can’t..let…it..go. He and I talked about how much it drives us nuts to see that little red dot blinking in the top right hand corner.  But like I said when I guest blogged on Three Minutes in Heaven, put the goddamn thing away.  I still think that counts three weeks into dating me! I’ve joked around about him being addicted to it, but last night was just a little too far.

He was making plans with a friend for tonight.  I get it, you want to make plans. But why can’t you just text/email/BBIM there person the following: Sounds good, let’s solidify plans tomorrow, I’m with someone now.  See? Easy.  For him – not so much. He kept going back and forth with this person.  At one point, I was sitting on his couch and literally said “Are you going to keep texting or do you want me to leave?”

He got it. He knew I was upset. He apologized. I accepted and moved on.

Until this morning. Until I could tell things had changed.  Yesterday, he wanted to see me Saturday, pushed for it. Now, he doesn’t know if he can get out of plans he made earlier on. All of the sudden. I was irresistible – and now he doesn’t know if he wants to see me.  I also got the feeling of “this is the last time I’m going to walk out of this apartment.” You know the feeling – when the other person can’t even get out of bed to give you a kiss goodbye and lock the door.

Yea, I got that feeling this morning.

Maybe I’m wrong and I’m overreacting. Maybe he’ll come around and I’ll see him tomorrow. Maybe I won’t and that makes me sad.  He had the potential to be that good guy.  He did, he really did.

I still like him and that’s why I’m sad today.  I’d like to say I believe in Que Sera Sera, but at the same time, I’m not as tough as I like to think I am. I know if we break things off, I’ll be OK and bounce back. I always do. It’s just sad.


17 Responses to “Que Sera Sera”

  1. jolene1079 April 23, 2010 at 8:55 am #

    This is EXACTLY how I was feeling with CBE after the whole “happy” convo and then the “i don’t wanna pick you up at the airport” thing – the wooing had already trailed off, there were some red flags popping up, and I didn’t feel the same as I had before – and I think this is what you are feeling…perhaps not quite ready to pull the plug, but not quite sure where this is going, if anywhere. My thing is – he’s 37 – CBE was 41 – they should know better how to treat a woman – and people in general – and the BB thing is well, rude. And, the wooing doesn’t end two weeks into something…or two months. It shouldn’t ever really end, IMHO. Okay, I could go on forever, but I won’t, because you know we’ll be talking about this today too. XO friend, you deserve to be wooed, you deserve to be cared for, and you deserve someone that isn’t hooked to their BB all day AND will walk you out the door when you stay over! Damn straight.

    • Mel April 23, 2010 at 9:11 am #

      They should know better and a friend at work gave a guy’s perspective. Prefaced it of course with saying, “I don’t know him, but….it seems like he’s acting like he’s still 25.” And he’s right. Many, many red flags. I don’t think I’m lowering my standards by putting up with a few things, but I also think being respectful is an important aspect of any relationship. Maybe I’m overreacting, but I don’t know. Confused and sad.

  2. Sue April 23, 2010 at 10:29 am #

    To add a positive spin – last night was just wildly bizarre I think everyone was off! I actually saw a car accident in front of my house! I’m not defending – just saying maybe the planets were a little off and it’s just a bump in the road. 🙂

    • Mel April 23, 2010 at 10:43 am #

      Oh I agree – and I was off a little too. AND Mercury is in Retrograde for a few more weeks (yes, I pay attention to that stuff.) I get it. But I’ve put this all back in his hands. If he wants to hang out/see me again, I totally will. But right now, I need to let him make the next move. Like a chess game, wing woman!

  3. Meg April 23, 2010 at 11:19 am #

    Does he seem like a “that’ll work” plan maker and then a no-show? Or did he really just double book?

    • Mel April 23, 2010 at 11:28 am #

      No, it’s not either. He makes plans and sticks to them, which is what I like about him. Though I know you you’re referring to. 🙂 He didn’t double book. I just thought it was really rude to be on his phone for such a long time when I was over there. Esp when you’re still trying to get to know another person – why be rude? It is such a little thing, but kinda big at the same time.

  4. Meg April 23, 2010 at 11:49 am #

    It is a little thing, but big thing to you. I think that he needs to know what your hot button issues and what aren’t. He might be a little in the dark as to how irritated you really are over the constant texting.

    • Mel April 23, 2010 at 12:05 pm #

      You are very right. Scary how well you know me. He knows now – and now was a good time to inform him. Like I said, it’s a wait and see thing right now. I’ve heard from him a couple of times already this morning (his move, not mine.) I’m not trying to push anything.

  5. jsutera654 April 23, 2010 at 12:42 pm #

    Ok, I’m weighing in but feel free to ignore me if you think I’m being too tough on him. But two things stuck out at me. First – this comment: “he is polite, opens doors for me, makes plans.” The make plans part – that, to me, is not “gentlemanly” that’s just a given for ANY guy who is seeing someone. That mention by you made me feel like you were already lowering your expectations for what wooing truly should be/feel like. Second thing that really did it for me? The fact that he didn’t walk you out. To this day, 10 years later, Scott STILL walks me out, even if its just me getting up to go to the gym and its his day off and he’s sleeping in. He gets OUT of bed and walks me to do the door. I do the same for him when he goes to work and its my turn to sleep in. Yes, we are gushy romantics, but still – THAT is what should be happening in the wooing stage and, hell, I’ll go on a limb and say it should STILL happen in a good relationship years and years later. Maybe I’m spoiled but I really do think you deserve to have that level of wooing and romance in your relationship no matter what. You deserve it more than anything so OWN that bar, own it and don’t ever let go of the things that matter to you most. xoxo

    • Mel April 23, 2010 at 1:01 pm #

      Why did I start utterly crying when I read this? Well not full blown crying, but tearing up in my cube.

      I guess it’s because I know you’re right. I could go into a long diatribe about this, but I have a feeling we’ll have a longer discussion about this later this weekend.

  6. Snark B April 23, 2010 at 1:07 pm #

    I’m sorry to hear that.

    You sound a little conflicted. On the one hand, you’re annoyed with him about the texting (which would totally get on my nerves, too), but you also seem worried that he may not be interested anymore. I do think it’s strange that after the FIRST NIGHT you stay over, he didn’t walk you to the door. (Jess probably is spoiled if her husband still does it after 10 years, but there should a happy medium there. 🙂 ) Is that the kind of relationship you want?

    On the other hand, maybe he’s just not a morning person. Some people are like that. (You know, mugs that say, “Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee.”) It’s up to you to decide if that’s a dealbreaker or not.

    Like you said, whatever happens, you’ll bounce back. Breakups suck. Good luck.

    • Mel April 23, 2010 at 1:27 pm #

      Thanks Snark. All very good points. I am conflicted. Very much so. I mean, for instance, I left my leftovers from last night’s dinner in his house and he brought them to my office. Very sweet. Not so sweet – he bailed on tomorrow. I guess he now he has a wake to attend, so he is going to go to that in the morning (totally understandable!) and then come to work (he’s in real estate – again understandable), go back to the wake to see his friend, AND then go into the city to have a few drinks. So he’s going back to the “original plan” and not seeing me. I am trying to be understanding of everything he has to do tomorrow, but then why push seeing me to then back out.

      And the first night thing is really starting to irk me. I don’t get it. Maybe Jess is right. Maybe I should expect those kinds of things, b/c its the right thing to do. I dunno. Morning person or not, he should have played it different.

      Now I’m mad and crying at my desk. UGH! Stupid boys!

      • jsutera654 April 23, 2010 at 2:19 pm #

        Barging in on the thread – I know there are certain things you did like about him, especially that you were compatible. BUT compatible doesn’t equal “good enough” or “he exceeds my expectations” and thus is worthy of my time. Just saying – I truly believe you deserve more than that. You shouldn’t be crying two weeks into dating him, for what it’s worth. I’m just sticking to my guns on you deserving to keep that bar high and if he’s not willing to reach for the stars for you, then he’s not worthy. And yes, Snark – I fully admit to being a wee bit spoiled, not gonna lie – but STILL, I think all women (and men) deserve to be treated with love, respect, adoration, even years and years into a relationship. It’s the best way to keep things nice and spicy if you ask me. 🙂

  7. Deanna Leigh April 23, 2010 at 3:23 pm #

    This is where I’m at with Mr. San Diego!!! There are those littles things that hang over the relationship and it drives me away. But I guess at some point you make concessions for the little things because the person you’re with is just so friggin’ awesome that they don’t matter. But I totally agree with the attachment to the phone…BUT as a single Mama I find myself excusing myself during dates to the bathroom to check in with the babysitter and see how things are going at home. Ugh.

    Let us know if you see him again?!?

    • Mel April 23, 2010 at 3:42 pm #

      Well as a mama, you have an excuse. 🙂 I’d like to see him, he is a good guy. I just hope this is a blip and not a deal breaker.

      He did come by and give his mea culpa today, which is a big thing for me. So fingers it is simply a small bump. We’ll see….


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