I Knew This Was Going To Be Messy

10 May

I think my little affair with S is over.  Which is somewhat sad to me.  I thought he had potential and for awhile, I thought he was on the same page with me.  I thought we could be good for one another.  I guess I was wrong.

It hit me on Saturday – as I was sitting with my neighbor having a glass of wine and watching “Sex in the City.” If he wanted to see me, he would have outreached to me. Since S’s preferred mode of communication lately has been BB messenger, I figured I would try that. I know, not mature – but sometimes we all have lapses.  I basically wrote “It took me several days to realize you no longer want to see me. If you did, you would have contacted me. I just wish you were honest and told me instead of avoiding me.  Good luck and Goodbye.”

(And yes, I was sober.)

I know, I know – there are several things you can poke at this.  But breaking things off is messy – whether you do it via phone, email, chat etc.

He called me the next day.

Here’s a few golden nuggets from that conversation:

  • “Ummm I just got a call from <insert famous seafood restaurant in Back Bay> confirming my reservation for five people. I’ve never called them before or have gone there.  Did YOU call them and make a reservation in my name?”  My response: WHAT? Are you kidding me….I would NEVER do that. (In my mind, I’m pissed he would even think of me FIRST. Maybe they screwed it up or maybe his friends played a stupid joke on him. I’m still fuming he jumped to the conclusion it was me.)
  • I got your message and wanted to talk with you about – but since I was at a bar and had a few drinks, I didn’t want to call then and have a confrontation. Editor’s note: again, gee thanks. I’m glad you think so highly of me.
  • I didn’t think we were in a full-blown relationship.  Me neither, let me be clear. I am not putting titles to this, but I though you would want to see me at least once or twice a week.
  • Well you could ask me out too. I have and you’ve had softball and other things, so you’ve said no to me.
  • I’ve seen you since then – I came to your house. Yes, you’re right. You did – a week ago. I just thought you would contact me and try to see me more.
  • Well the phone works both ways.  I realize this and I have messaged you. Monday and Tuesday.
  • Well it’s not like I ignored you. I did respond (This went through my head again: GEE THANKS.)
  • He then went on to tell me he had a long week.  There were other bits and pieces, but I won’t bore you anymore.  I listened and understood. (To be honest, I think everyone had a bad week last week, so I got it.) He had to hang up because he was at his mom’s house and was already late for brunch, but left me with this nugget.
  • I do want to finish this conversation, but it won’t be until later tonight because I’m going to the Celtics game.  That’s fine. Have fun today and I’ll talk with you later.

Again, I know I could have handled things better. I didn’t yell though – I just kept my thoughts/comments in bold so you could read the back and forth. I kept things simple.

Could I have called more? Sure – but that would have seemed needy. Could I have asked him out more? Absolutely. But that reads desperate.  I felt I was kinda in a lose-lose situation.  Unless we were both on the same page, this was going to be a messy ending/conversation. If he wanted to see me, none of these actions would have seemed desperate or needy.

The conclusion? The Celtics won – as did the Sox. I waited two hours (after the Celtics game concluded) and sent him a text saying I was around and hoped he wanted to talk.

Did he call? What do you think?

That just solidified my thinking – I wasn’t a priority for him.  Not even a little. Not even once in awhile. My cousin summed it up nicely when I spoke with him later that evening when he said “Y’know, if you were a priority, S would have called DURING the Celtics game.”

Ya, I know.

Today? I’m mad, sad, and confused.  I know I’ll be able to bounce back from this and with all of my upcoming trips, I think this will be a quick and easy thing to do. But it doesn’t take the sting away.  Part of me thinks he’ll call me in a day or two. However, I’m also preparing myself that he won’t.  I miss him and making plans with him.  In the end though, I don’t think he was right for me.  He is a good guy (despite some of my excerpts here), he just isn’t right for me.

Sorry for the long post. I needed to get it out of my system.



19 Responses to “I Knew This Was Going To Be Messy”

  1. Snark B May 10, 2010 at 11:49 am #

    I’m sorry to hear that. It sounds like he’s just not giving you what you need, which is a shame, especially if you two click in other ways. That’s the hardest kind of relationship to walk away from. Because you can see the potential. But it sounds like, from what you write here, that you’ll just spend too much of your time being frustrated if you continue with him. You don’t want to spend all of your time waiting for him to call/text/message. Maybe the best thing you can do now is take control of the situation and end it yourself. So you can find someone who will pay you more attention.

    Take care, and have fun on your travels!

    • Mel May 10, 2010 at 2:00 pm #

      That was the hardest part. Seeing the potential. And then it not coming to fruition. That is the worst. I doubt he’ll finish up the call he wanted to have. I reached out to him to finish it – if he doesn’t, then well…that is his decision. I tried to end it on my terms. If it ends this way, so be it (unfortunately.) I’m moving on. Thanks for your kind words Snark – I always know I can count on ya!

  2. jolene1079 May 10, 2010 at 1:30 pm #

    EXACTLY what Snark said! Ending it on your terms is the way to go, when it’s meant to be ended, and I think it was the right thing to do. Don’t blame yourself, it takes two, and while the potential seemed there, he wasn’t really meeting you halfway on things, it seems, so rather know that now than in six months. IMHO 🙂 Onward…VEGAS!!!! 🙂

    • Mel May 10, 2010 at 2:01 pm #

      How did I know you’d agree with Snark? Onward and upward.

  3. Cheryl May 10, 2010 at 1:53 pm #

    Ok, I NEVER RESPOND but I am compelled. I must. ML, could you, would you, should you? Sure. BUT he could have, should have and if he was the one WOULD HAVE been wooing the hell out of you in the early days. The right guy will want to be with you ALL the time. He just isn’t the right guy 🙂 Do not waste one more second anticipating what will be. Be sad, watch movies, snuggle with your cat! That’s OK! But do not live in fear of what he may or may not do. You know what you are going to do….and that’s all that matters. My two cents after waiting 34 years for the right guy 🙂

    • Mel May 10, 2010 at 1:58 pm #

      I know I know CW. You are right. He was wrong for me. I knew a couple of weeks ago – just happy I figured it out sooner rather than later.

      And ummm PS – MISS YOU! It has seriously been years and I AM NOT A HAPPY ML! Dinner – us beavers? Soon?

      • jsutera654 May 10, 2010 at 3:18 pm #

        Barging in to say AGREE 10000000% with CTW. And wow, how long have you been lurking on this here blog before you finally weighed in 😉

      • Mel May 10, 2010 at 4:21 pm #

        Shocker! Shocker you agree 100000000% with CTW. You agreed that much with KD too a couple of weeks back. 🙂 I know, y’all were right. ALL ALONG. THERE. I SAID IT: YOU WERE RIGHT. Meh.

        And yes, CTW, how long have you been lurking? BEAVER. DINNER. STAT. ‘Nuff said.

    • Cheryl May 10, 2010 at 9:22 pm #

      You guys…so funny. CTW is never far…Out of sight yes, but always there in spirit!!! And of course living vicariously through all of you!!!

  4. LiLu May 10, 2010 at 2:40 pm #

    Oh, man. NEXT!!! This dood is not treating you the way you deserve. Every girl deserves to feel wanted- don’t ever forget that!

    • Mel May 10, 2010 at 2:47 pm #

      But he was fun while it lasted. I know…moving on. NEXT! Maybe I’ll find my true love in Vegas and we can get married by Elvis…

  5. Miss OverThinker May 14, 2010 at 11:12 am #

    I am relatively new to your blog but have read all your posts about S.. I hope you don’t mind me chiming in my 2 cents.. I think you were very brave and smart to notice his lack of interests early on and ending it..I agree with almost everyone’s comments, esp Cheryl.. that in the early stages a guy should be crazy about the girl and wooing her.. if he doesn’t, he’s not in it for the long haul… so good for you to end it or as early as you did.. now if only I was this strong..:)

    • Mel May 14, 2010 at 11:21 am #

      Hey MissOverThinker – thanks for reading and commenting! I can’t wait to begin reading your blog. Yeah, I had to listen to my guy – as several friends have told me we, women are pretty instinctive and we should pay attention to our thoughts more. Not to get all feminist though! I think it’s true.

      • Miss OverThinker May 14, 2010 at 11:28 am #

        Oh, please don’t read my blog, or more like you may nothing much to read there. I haven’t been blogging lately because my recently re-started dating life is going through turmoil.. (some of it real, some perhaps imagined)..

      • Mel May 14, 2010 at 3:51 pm #

        Eh – I tend to take breaks too. Boo for turmoil – I’m sorry. I think a lot of us been there before. Fits and starts are no fun.

  6. principessa May 20, 2010 at 6:53 pm #

    So weird that I went through the EXACT same thing. Well, not exact EXACT but still. Sorry you had to go through that awkward convo (and lame pseudo-relationship) because I know it was tough for me. His loss. : )

    • Mel May 21, 2010 at 5:21 pm #

      Lame pseudo-relationship is a perfect way to describe it! Well said.

  7. imerika May 28, 2010 at 5:43 pm #

    Hey girly, just catching up with your blog and I came across this post which really struck with me.
    Some people may judge you for being too harsh on the guy, jumping to conclusions since you were only “seeing” each other, but the point is…if he were REALLY into you, he’d be calling you! He’d want to hang out with you and he wouldn’t be playing these stupid little games. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and demanding to be a priority. A guy who won’t make you a priority, is not worth it, in my opinion.
    (FYI-eric said he knew he wanted to marry me when i called him on his shit for not asking me out in advance and told him off…it’s a guy thing, i guess)

    • Mel May 28, 2010 at 6:48 pm #

      Exactly!! See, you just need to clone your husband and send the clone across the country to Boston. 🙂

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