I Could Have Been Better

12 May

Yesterday I wrote about the men I date and questioned why I still seem to date the same type of men, even when I date different men (confusing I know – check out yesterday’s post on why I think men are like snowflakes.)  I had the most comments I’ve ever received on a post and the most hits in one day (thank you thank you thank you blogosphere.)  I appreciated all the feedback and dialogue.

What I didn’t like was my reaction to Lily. While I believe it is OK to agree to disagree on some items, I think I could have handled things better.  I could have responded more professionally.  And I hope you continue to read and comment, Lily.

But her comments made me think. About my life and putting myself out there to do things that makes me happy. Let me confess – my life is anything BUT “Sex and the City.”  For instance, last weekend I was in bed by 9:30 on Friday; cleaned, worked out, and ran errands Saturday before hanging out with my favorite neighbor that night (and by hanging out, I mean, she came upstairs, we talked about men, drank wine, and watched SATC – fitting, huh?); and then spent Sunday in my condo with my favorite feline doing many of the same things I did on Saturday. But you know what? It made me happy. It made me content. Sometimes I need to be hermit and stay in. I think it helps rejuvenate me and calms me down.  I didn’t meet any men, I didn’t sign back up on Match.com or eHarmony. I did what I wanted, when I wanted. No men here, thankyouverymuch.

It also made me realize that doing the things I want to do makes me a better person. Like the wine and food festivals I attend, the rock climbing course I signed up for, the Boston Globe event I just RSVPd to, going to Vegas with one friend to meet several others who I’ve never met in real life before.  ALL GOOD THINGS!

Will I meet the love of my life during any of these excursions? Maybe – maybe not. But at least I’m putting myself out there and trying new things and evolving as a person.  And that is all I can hope for in this world.  Meeting someone who likes me for me, appreciates me for all my inadequacies and new endeavors I want to try – well, that is just icing on the cake.  And the more I put myself out there, the more I try and do things that make ME happy, the better chance I have to find that person.

To sum up: SATC my life aint. “Work in progress” is more fitting.


Oh and PS – I deleted S out of my phone today. Chapter is complete.  Starting the next one – today!


13 Responses to “I Could Have Been Better”

  1. jsutera654 May 12, 2010 at 12:15 pm #

    Amen sista!! Loved reading this – you are definitely doing the right things by getting out there and doing things that you might not typically do on a regular basis. I know I, for one, am super-excited for rock climbing with you, we can attempt to be all bad ass. 😉

    And PS. I think it’s perfectly fine to stay in on some weekends, we all need that time here and there to find our center again. 🙂

    • Mel May 12, 2010 at 12:27 pm #

      Bad ass….as in butt. As in we’re 12….

      • jsutera654 May 12, 2010 at 2:04 pm #

        LOL yes, yes, we are twelve…and that may be pushing it, maybe eleven.

  2. Ginny May 12, 2010 at 1:53 pm #

    You’ll never meet anyone doing nothing at home all the time. Plus I get bored if I’m the house too much and regardless if you are single or not you should be going out and trying new things.

    see you in 8 days for Vegas!!!!!!!

    • Mel May 12, 2010 at 1:57 pm #

      I totally agree on ALL points. VEGAS BABY VEGAS! When are you flying out?

  3. Lily May 12, 2010 at 2:01 pm #

    Okay, honestly, my response to you was pretty laced with sarcasm, and I TRULY am sorry for that.

    I get that you were upset and it clearly struck a nerve with you and your readers. I figured it would tick some people off, and maybe even you. It was a risk I was sort of willing to take, and honestly is easy because we are not friends in the sense that your other readers are.

    Considering almost all of your other followers that commented wanted to make plans for you, I am guessing you know them all. That being said, I am also guessing that none of them would have the guts to tell you what you might actually need to hear. I know I would never be harsh with any of my friends like I was to you, but I think sometimes it needs to be done.

    I am sorry I was pretty harsh, but I do think if you are seeing a pattern with the guys you date, and as you pointed out, they are all pretty different, the pattern is how they respond to you.

    I am not a long time follower of your blog but I stumbled upon it and have read a good deal of it. I think you need to understand that men are terrible about tuning into women’s needs/wants (in most cases), without being told what they are.

    I think with this last guy, it all went down hill when you got offended when he was texting someone else while he was at your house. Guys get turned off when you show your irritated that soon into dating. I know you might think it would be good to establish what isn’t going to fly with you for future note, but it isn’t good to do that YET. There are better ways of handling that.

    The reason I say that was where it all went down hill is b/c after that post, you had nothing positive to say about the way he was treating you. I think you showed him more irritation than you think. Guys scare away from that, and they see clingy and controlling.

    You may not listen to this, you may be offended by this, and your friends might hate on me for it. I don’t care. If it irritates you, fine, as long as just a little gets through to you.

    By the way, I am not alone,or bad at dating. I am in a long term relationship and I have my man wrapped around my pinky, and I love him more than anything. I have dated a bunch of good guys, but this one is a keeper, so no more dating for me if I can help it. I have a bunch of male friends that are great resources and bunch of female friends that are wise dating sges also. I’m not saying this to brag; I just want you to know that I actually do know what I’m talking about.

    • Mel May 12, 2010 at 2:19 pm #

      Not offended or irritated by what you wrote (except for the fact I actually felt bad with your second post) – as I said before, I appreciate the dialogue. And I don’t think anyone will hate you – and if they do…who cares? Like you said, you don’t know any of us. But to clarify – a lot of my followers/readers are people I have not met before. It is through the blog and other social media avenues in which I have “met” them. Some are friends who I do know IRL, but many are not. Just wanted you to know.

      My friends who I turn to in real life are wonderful and are great resources as well. So please understand that while I ask questions or post my scenarios, I am somewhat knowledgeable as well.

      Do I agree with some of your points? Some – as I may have established a pattern of dating men (even if I didn’t realize it). But not all of them. Like I said before, let’s agree to disagree on some of them.

      Question for you: how would your man feel if he read he “wrapped around your pinky”? Is that a nice way to refer to him/your relationship?

  4. jolene1079 May 12, 2010 at 2:36 pm #

    Hindsight is truly 20/20, isn’t it? And sometimes it’s a bit of a bitch 😉 But, I don’t think you handled it terribly bad – things with S or your reaction to the comments…when you hear things you don’t like, some of which may be valid, you get offended or offensive, that’s a normal reaction for most people, for me certainly! Anyway, you will pick yourself up and move forward, learning some things from this sitch and being better off for the next. And uhhhh VEGAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Mel May 12, 2010 at 2:52 pm #

      Thank you Jo. It truly is 20/20. Onward and upward.

  5. Lily May 12, 2010 at 2:54 pm #

    My man would laugh. He knows he is and we joke about it. The guy needs to be a little tamed, so it isn’t a bad thing.

  6. Lily May 12, 2010 at 2:56 pm #

    Oh, and am I allowed to write “bitch”? I wasn’t sure if only modifications of the word were outlawed or the entire idea of “bitch” in general.

    Also, can I use the C-word?

  7. Snark B May 12, 2010 at 3:28 pm #

    Congrats on deleting S from your phone, Mel. Now you can put him behind you.

    And that’s great that you had a nice semi-solitary weekend. It’s true that you won’t meet anyone that way, but it’s also nice to have a breather before you get back out there again. There’s no hurry– the dating world will still be there when you’re ready again. In the mean time, Vegas!

    I really have to respond to Lily again. I, too, may have been harsh yesterday, and I’ll probably be harsh again today, but your advice really gets on my nerves. You appear to inhabit a cynical and manipulative world that I would want nothing to do with, where you withhold attention, hide your feelings, and “bait” people all in an effort to get them “wrapped around [your] pinky.”

    All this cynical advice is delivered under the guise of Telling It Like It Is, as if you have a monopoly on The Truth and everyone else is just too afraid to give it to Mel straight. You don’t know her, and you don’t know her friends, so don’t assume you’re revealing some great Truth that she hasn’t already considered. I mean, really, get over yourself.

    But here’s the other thing: I don’t trust you. Yesterday you said you get rejected all the time, and you can’t get past a first date, and today you claim to be in a long-term relationship, so you know what you’re talking about. Which one is it? I’ve only read three comments by you, and I’m already feeling manipulated. I don’t like that.

    I don’t know you. I’m sure your heart is in the right place, and we probably agree on a lot. I just don’t like to hear the message that a single woman has to connive and manipulate in order to land a good man. Er, I mean, to wrap him around her finger. I think every counseling professional will agree that good, honest communication is essential in a relationship, and you’re suggesting that Mel pretend to be okay with something that annoys her. It’s like hearing someone give medical advice involving leeches.

    But that’s just my perspective. I’ve had several long-term relationships, but that doesn’t make me an expert on what would work for Mel. Everyone’s different.

    • Lily May 12, 2010 at 3:52 pm #

      Don’t knock leeching. It is a magnificent form of getting rid of HPV and Small Pox.

      Also, you shouldn’t trust me- you don’t even know me. Don’t sweat it, get PASSED it.

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