Does Money Really Matter?

28 Jul

As many of you may know, I recently re-joined Match. Not sure if it was b/c I wanted to experiment again or because I was sick of not dating since S or what.  But I did. And I go through my moments where I’m really excited to log on and then I go through times where I could honestly care less.

In a recent post, I also alluded to the fact that I was chatting with a guy. He seems nice enough, cute, sends emails promptly, and when I provided my phone number, he called that night.  A little persistent, but that’s not too bad. I emailed him saying things had been a bit hectic and that I’d call him later in the week. I hope he doesn’t see it as a brush off, but right now, I can barely concentrate on conversations with friends I have known for years, much less men I am just meeting. 

So after I replied, I decided to review his profile again. And then it happened. I didn’t want it to, but it did. My eyes inadvertantly went to his salary range. Now, I am not a fan of anyone posting it on their profile. For the following reason: TMI.

And I started to wonder: does money/salary make people more or less attractive to others reading their profile?

Not that it should matter, but I looked at his salary and noticed (unless it is old and he hasn’t updated it recently) that he makes less than me. Significantly less.  It won’t stop me from calling him back. I’m not THAT shallow when it comes to that kind of stuff. I will continue chatting with him and maybe go out with him, if I feel a connection.

But it made me wonder, in this day and age, can a woman accept being the major breadwinner ala Mr. Mom? Can a couple be happy when the balance is so obviously tipped in someone’s favor? I’m not sure. I don’t know if anyone has the answer.

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21 Responses to “Does Money Really Matter?”

  1. Deanna Leigh July 28, 2010 at 2:25 pm #

    Eck! I’ve been the bread winner, but only with the Bio and while it didn’t bug me at all, it was an issue for him in the long run. My salary was stable and regular and his was not because of the industry he was in and I chose to support him in his endeavors but, alas that was one of our big straws that finally broke the camels back.

    Today, I think if it’s talked about and the right man is on the other end of the convo it can be done. But, again totally situation determined.

    • TisWID July 29, 2010 at 12:51 pm #

      See, that’s something that I’m afraid of. Would it ever turn into a support system that is so one-sided? I’ve done that, emotionally, where I was always there for the person, but it wasn’t reciprocated as often. I know that can be worse, but it left us with such animosity. I dunno what to do.

  2. jolene1079 July 28, 2010 at 2:56 pm #

    Agree with D – it totally depends on the situation…and from my perspective, I certainly wouldn’t rule out a first date (or dating, generally) a guy that doesn’t make as much as me (or vice versa of course either). To me, it’s not really fair to “judge” someone by that, without ever even meeting them. Not that I think that’s what you were getting at, but just my two cents.

    • TisWID July 29, 2010 at 12:52 pm #

      It isn’t fair to judge someone on something so superficial. But…I hate to say it, how do any of us NOT judge? It is awful I know. Maybe I am more superficial than I thought…

  3. You can probably figure out who this is July 28, 2010 at 3:39 pm #

    Yes, it matters. It always matters. I can elaborate privately 🙂

    • TisWID July 29, 2010 at 12:52 pm #

      Ummm, I think we need to. It has kinda been awhile dearie.

  4. verybadcat July 28, 2010 at 4:24 pm #

    part of the reason my marriage crumbled was because the wasbund could not stand that i was more successful in a career/salary sense than he was.

    he resented me for outdoing him, and to soothe his ego, he expected me to be MORE submissive to make up for it. i, in turn, felt the weight of the world on my shoulders as he failed to keep work and i struggled to support both of us. i felt that my responsibility as the breadwinner was worthy of respect i wasn’t getting.

    also, half of the guys i meet never talk to me again when they find out what i do and my title is bigger than theirs.

    • TisWID July 29, 2010 at 12:53 pm #

      So it dovetailed from beyond monetary support to emotional support as well, huh? And a respect issue too? I guess it is good that he is now the wasbund. 😦

  5. IntrigueMe July 28, 2010 at 4:27 pm #

    Does money matter? In a word: yes. (In my opinion.)
    I have my salary posted on my OKC profile, for no other reason than they asked and I told (I’m probably a little “too” open when I think about it), but if it does matter to someone what salary range I’m in, then they should know upfront. I’ve dated guys who make less, equal, and more than me, and personally I prefer someone who is either equal or slightly higher. Considering I date guys who are typically older than me, the fact that they make less signifies a lack of ambition and/or direction. Also, I’ve been “taken” before. And lastly, if there’s something I want to do (think a vacation or something) and my significant other can’t afford it, then I either end up missing out or having to pay their way- neither of which I’m willing to do on a regular basis. That goes the other way too though, if I date someone who makes significantly more than me then I’m the one holding them back and that’s not cool either. So, it seems like something that shouldn’t matter but in my case the one thing I miss about being in a relationship is having someone to do things with, so if I can’t do things when I *have* a significant other then that’s doubly frustrating. If they make so much less that they can’t afford to even take me out (at least once in a while) then they’re not in the stage of life that I need my significant other to be in.

    So I guess, think about how that would apply to your life. Your expectations might not be the same as mine, and maybe my view sounds snobbish but as I said, I’ve been burned.

    Sweet jeebus that was long!

    • TisWID July 29, 2010 at 12:55 pm #

      It was long, BUT it was a “good” long. As I have entered into my ahem “30s”, I do have high expectations. I have been in a relationship before where I was more “successful” than him. I ended up paying for the things I wanted to do plus the things he wanted to do as well. It wasn’t a good situation. I guess all of this questioning does go back to him a little. It was a frustrating situation that I do not intend to repeat.

  6. Akirah July 28, 2010 at 9:18 pm #

    I can’t speak for all women, but as for me, I don’t care so much about money as I do being with a guy who is doing something he is passionate about.

    • TisWID July 29, 2010 at 1:02 pm #

      I sense a theme here QL Lady. You’re right, I know you are. I just need to get over the hang up. Stupid as it is.

  7. Mel July 28, 2010 at 9:31 pm #

    I agree with everything that’s been said here. I’m in a relatively well-paid job where I earn twice the average Australian wage (but it’s not exactly like I’m loaded!) and while I don’t care what a man earns, it seems to me that THEY care what I earn. Or at least they care about it if I earn more than them. I’m not that fussed about a man’s earning potential if he’s passionate about what he does but, having said that, having to limit what I can do due to another’s (lack of) earnings is kind of a downer. And being divorced, I’m a bit wary of having to start all over financially again so I’d be careful before supporting anyone financially.

    Just another downside of dating in your 30s – how I long for those days in your early 20s when all that mattered was that you liked them and they liked you!

    • TisWID July 29, 2010 at 1:01 pm #

      AMEN SISTA! To all of your points. And just to make fun of myself – I long for the days in my early 20s when all that mattered was they still looked good to you the next day after the beer goggles wore off. 😉

  8. Snark B July 29, 2010 at 10:02 am #

    Maybe I live in my own fantasy world, but I don’t understand the dilemma here. Would you have a problem dating a man who made significantly more than you? In general, the balance has been tipped in one person’s favor (the man) for decades, and now that women are (deservedly) earning more money and getting more professional recognition, you don’t want to be the breadwinner?

    If this were about education levels and you didn’t feel like you had much in common, I could understand that. Or if you were uncomfortable dating outside your class or economic status, I get that too. (In that case, you wouldn’t want to date a guy who made a lot more than you, either.) But if this is merely about a woman being uncomfortable making more money than her otherwise suitable partner, I don’t get it.

    But I may not be a typical male sample. I tend to date hippie-ish feminist academics. 🙂

    • TisWID July 29, 2010 at 1:00 pm #

      OK, so here’s the thing. I don’t know his education level. Which is a big thing for me – how do you know what you have in common if you don’t even know the basics of a person? Maybe talking with him and/or going out with him will show me what I have in common with him and I can learn some of that, but again, how do you do that? OK, I’m starting to sound really superficial here….I must stop.

  9. D July 29, 2010 at 12:45 pm #

    This post reminds me of Carrie Bradshaw, you are so Sex In The City Mel! 🙂 I think it all depends on the male and female in the relationship. Some men don’t care, others well, they care too much and when they cannot provide for their family let it crumble. So you got to figure out which guy this new potential is.

    • TisWID July 29, 2010 at 12:57 pm #

      Oh yeah, I am SOOOO SATC. Though I think I’m more of the Miranda type. 😉 Seriously, I just wish I never saw it. How do you get passed something that is already out there and is so blatant? Like I said, I don’t think I have the answer.

  10. imerika August 2, 2010 at 6:08 pm #

    as someone who makes a good chunk more than her husband, I can say “yes it does matter.”

    Obviously I didn’t marry the guy for his money, but I was completely attracted to the fact that he was so motivated, had ambitions and a plan for his career. I hope, and our plan definitely is, that in a few years he will take over the salary responsibilities while I scale back my career to raise kids. (I know so grossly traditional of me, right??) If I didn’t believe that he would EVENTUALLY be the main breadwinner, I honestly don’t think I would have married him. And it wouldn’t be because I didn’t love him, but I definitely had certain views of what I wanted my life to be like, and what I’ve worked so hard for, and income–whether we like it or not–definitely plays a role in that.

    You’re not superficial, you’re honest.

  11. Miss OverThinker August 5, 2010 at 1:27 pm #

    I hate to say it because it makes me sound superficial but to me it does. I am OK if the guy makes as much as me, a little less or a little more.. but wide differences in salary just doesn’t do it for me. If he makes way less than me, I feel like I’d have to compensate like Cat said above, and if he made way more than me, even that won’t sit well with me.. how superficial, judgmental and all the other negative traits!!! oh well…

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  1. One Can Happen in Four Weeks « This is Why I Date - August 6, 2010

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