Is It OK to be Sad?

14 Sep

Most times, I am a happy person. My friends turn to me to be the jovial one, the person that makes the party a little bit more memorable in some possible way.

Am I overexaggerating? Being a little too cocky?

No, they’ve told me. And they remind me of such when I’m not my usual self (and yes, that happened a couple of times last night).  Why am I sad? Well, let’s discuss….

  • I’m sad over 9/11. I know, I know. Everyone is.  It’s so much more than just a blemish on our history. It’s a big, black, thunderstorm that likes to rain on our parade every year. While I KNOW others went through a helluva lot more than me, my sign is Cancer (aka very sensitive) and everything bothers me a little more than I should. Plus my mind is a steel trap and I remember everything from that time period. I remember where I was sitting when we first head the news.  I remember running to the TV in my office. I remember calling my mom. Trying to find my friend who was in the second tower that was struck. I remember calling our other friend, frantic, panicking, trying to find her. We found her. Safe and sound. Well not sound, but at least safe and now she has a beautful family far away from NYC.  I remember going down to the Pentagon about a week later to work. I remember seeing that big, black, gaping hole.  That one thing that reminded me, “yes, this happened. Yes, you witnessed history. Yes, this may be your generation’s JFK moment”, but you need to become stronger from it.
  • I’m sad because I miss my mother more during these times. More than I do on a daily basis. More than I can express. I cry every day I think of her this much and it hurts. It hurts me to the core and I just sit here and cry.
  • I’m sad because this year hasn’t been everything I hoped it would turn into. I had so many dreams and ambitions and projects I was working on. And for some reason or another, I lost the drive. I lost the will to move forward. I’ve tried and tried and for some reason I lost the young enthusiasm I once had.  And it makes me feel old. And I know I’m not old, I have so many years ahead of me. But when I can’t keep up with myself, I feel that way.
  • I’m sad because although I’m happy with my job and appreciate the friends that have stuck by me. And those who have either come in or re-entered my life. But I’m missing that one last piece. That one little piece of my life that hasn’t fallen into place yet. I’m happy for everyone who has found that person, but I have to ask “when will it be my turn?” I’ve meet a ton of guys and for one reason or another, it doesn’t fall into place.  I don’t fall into his life and vice versa. I try to stay positive, but sometimes, with all this extra weight on my shoulders, it’s tough. And the latest guys have fallen short. Very, very short of any expectations I had. Which were little.

Well, enough of this pity party. If you have any ideas on how to cheer me up, I’m ALLLLL ears.  PLEASE SHARE!


2 Responses to “Is It OK to be Sad?”

  1. Sara September 14, 2011 at 11:08 pm #

    I love you. 🙂

    • TisWID September 15, 2011 at 8:32 am #

      Love ya too! And yes, K and I are major goofballs. 🙂

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