Sometimes It’s Not You

28 Sep

I am being totally unoriginal with this title, but I’m going to give credit where credit is due.  I just read a fabulous piece on The New York Times Fashion & Style section.

Penned last week by Sara Eckel, the article focused on a dilemma she faced when first dating her now husband. The dilemma started when he asked her long it had been since her last relationship.  The horror of a question when you start counting the length in months and years.   Like many women who faced weeks,  months, or even years without a serious commitment, this can be viewed by some as a downfall or a black mark on you.  A big old “A” on your chest, except instead of A for adulter, it could be “L” for long time since boyfriend.

Like Sara, I’ve spent some many hours pondering what is wrong with me, analyzing the length of my hair, buying candles, filling my calendar with events to fulfill me, and bitching to my girlfriends about not having a relationship. I’ve spent countless hours working on ways to improve and educate myself (though I hope that even when I find my match, I’ll continue to do so). And like her, I agree, not many married women would want to trade places with me being a single gal with a ton of freedom and a calendar waiting to be filled. But you know, that’s OK.  Right now, this is my life and I should embrace the opportunities ahead of me.

As I read her article, so much resonated with me. I could relate to so many things she said or felt.  And I have to admit, as I looked back at my own reinvention, I realized that most times I am OK with my life and I’m just looking for someone who wants me for me. Good, bad, ugly, bitchy, and annoying me.  Not the me I feel I should become.

Hopefully my path takes me in a similar direction as Sara’s.  I want to find someone who doesn’t look at me as a problem to solve or a puzzle to put together.  But someone who looks at the men who could easily cast me aside as “idiots” and that he’s the lucky that found me. Rants, raves, and all.

Now, if only that could happen sooner rather than later!


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