Is It Always Black & White?

27 Oct

Or are there shades of gray when dating?

OK, friends, I have a little story to share. One I’m not happy about and one I’m working through. About a month ago, I met someone online. He’s not from here, but is moving here for his job and will be in the same city as me in less than a month. For the past three or four weeks, we’ve emailed, we’ve talked, we texted. We got to know one another pretty damn well. And when he found out when he was coming up here to apartment-hunt, he made it known he wanted to see me.  Take me out, have dinner and drinks.

Well, that week is this week. As of this weekend, we had planned to meet on Wednesday night (last night) – place TBD once he figured out his hotel situation.  Calm down – it was so we could pick a spot close to his hotel so he could get there easily by public transport. Last time we spoke was way into the wee hours of Sunday morning.  And then we texted later that afternoon.

That was when I last heard from him.We didn’t argue, we didn’t have a disagreement – it was just the last time I heard from him. His flight was due in two nights ago and I texted him welcoming him here.  No response.

My heart sunk. And I cried myself to sleep, with Bella beside me. And I prayed that if I didn’t hear from him, that I’d gain strength to move on, quickly. May sound dramatic when you think I  never met the guy in person. But we clicked and for some reason I felt a great connection/pull towards him.  And he did too – he verbalized it more than me.

I woke up that next morning – hopeful I missed a text or a call in the middle of the night. And when I didn’t, when I realized he didn’t even have the decency to text back a simple “thanks”, I realized I never would hear from him again.

My friends, although they think I am right to move on, think I should still be hopeful. One said its not black and white. If I do hear from him, I should meet up with him and see where it goes.  Maybe he is overwhelmed with the move (I would be), maybe he met someone else, but in the end, he owes nothing to me.  At most, maybe some courtesy to tell me after these weeks of him saying how much he wanted to see me, that he no longer did. But that is still a gray area. Maybe I will hear from him while he’s in town later this week. Maybe I’ll hear from him again when he moves here permanently.  Like my friend said, its not black and white.

As I look out at the grayness outside my window, I realize she’s right. There is no black and white with dating – there are all shades of gray. Who knows what happened? What he got involved in this week? Maybe he got spooked? Maybe he found someone else? Unless I talk with him, I’ll never know.

And while my peeps think that there is hope and I’ll hear from him soon, I have to trust my gut even when it hurts and realize, sometimes these questions may be left unanswered and will forever lie around in several shades of gray.


6 Responses to “Is It Always Black & White?”

  1. notthegirl October 27, 2011 at 4:11 pm #

    And maybe he left his phone back home and now that he’s here, he has no way to get in touch with you. Most people don’t have other people’s numbers memorized because they are so used to hitting the call button on their cell.

    Now email..that I can’t explain…he should still be able to email.

    • TisWID November 1, 2011 at 4:56 pm #

      You’re right and I kinda got the skinny from him. More to come on that in the coming days…

  2. Ava October 27, 2011 at 6:31 pm #

    On line dating is not for the faint of heart. I did it for 18 months. Some of it was fun, I met some really nice guys, went on some interesting dates. Had a similar experience to yours: chatted on line, emailed, went on several dates and I thought everything was fine. Dropped me off after brunch, and I never heard from him again. Weird. Still has me wondering.

    • TisWID November 1, 2011 at 4:55 pm #

      Did you ever try and contact him? I’m just curious b/c I tend to try and contact them to figure out what the heck happened. Would like to hear what other’s do….

  3. Pamila Online Dating December 5, 2011 at 9:42 am #

    I’ve been dating online but I haven’t joined any online dating site. I only use ymessenger and trying to reach anyone I could meet along the way. The disadvantage is I met those people who were very rude and all they want is’cyber sex’. Very digusting coz I’m conservative and I really don’t like men like this.


  1. Is It Always Back & White – Part 2? « This is Why I Date - November 2, 2011

    […] so a lot has happened in the past week since I wrote my last post.  We texted and talked and he apologized for a jerky move. He had no excuse other than that he got […]

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