Taking My Power Back

10 Feb

The past year has been a hectic ride. I took most of 2014 to be single and do what was best for me.  I dated, I had a couple of flings. But nothing too serious.

When we got closer to the end of the year, I realized I wanted to change my ways. I realized I did want a partner. I wanted someone to share my weekends with, my dinners with, and be that partner that they need as well. I thought I found that with the personal trainer. My god, was he hot.  Amazing body, incredibly cerebral, but totally did not have his act together. Which was a shame. We had good conversations and when I needed someone, he was by my side.

Until he wasn’t.  He disappeared quite frequently. He had baggage – his old life, his crazy ex-girlfriends, his daughter from a previous relationship. He said he had ambition to go back to school, but never pursued it. He said he wanted to do more with his personal training business, but didn’t do anything to move it forward. When things got insane in his life, he disappeared. And that was all within the first few weeks of us dating.

Finally it hit me, he wasn’t ready. He was pushing me away. The first time he did, I understood. Said let’s take a step back and re-evaluate where we are and be friends. That worked for about a week. Then I traveled, but kept in touch. Then when I was back, he pushed me away again. That was it, I was done. And I told him so. Well, I texted him so – that was his MO.  He wouldn’t talk, only text. That should have been a dead give away.

So I took a few days and then went back online and found the recruiter.  Solid, normal, guy. Had his act together. Wanted to see me, made plans in advance, held the car door for me, helped me in the snow.  All around awesome guy.  Now a few weeks in, he has done the vanishing act. And I’m sad. Very sad and very mopey.  Doesn’t help that we’re all cooped up here in one of the worst winters we’ve ever had…I mean, in years, decades. It’s bad. He was supposed to spend the weekend with me and left after one night. It made me wonder what I did wrong. I talked with my friends, tried to focus on work and the house, etc. Then my friend sent me this video and I decided to give him his space.

What kills me is that I’ve opened up to him and told him my fears of men acting distant and vanishing. And what did he do? Not even a day later? The vanishing act. So this is me, writing, and taking my power back.

I’m not sure who is still reading this blog or if you’ll even care. But I needed to write this post for me. I’m hoping he comes back and wants to talk. But after a lot of soul searching, I’ve realized I’ve done nothing wrong and he needs to figure his shit out. And if he wants me, we’ll have a talk about our values and what we each want (again.)

Wish me luck because even though The Recruiter has done the vanishing act, he really is a good guy. And I like him and I’m hoping we can pursue something larger. But if not, then I’ve learned something from this nonsense and will move on soon.

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One Response to “Taking My Power Back”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. How do Men Turn it “Off”? | This is Why I Date - February 12, 2015

    […] this week, I talked about The Recruiter.  And since then, I have decided to focus on the positives in my life.  My job, my friends, Bella […]

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