Cabin Fever AKA I Need to get You Out of My Head

17 Feb

“I’m worried about you. You never take this long to get over a guy,” said one of my closest friends

She said this to me a couple of days ago. She was legitimately worried about me and she’s right. I tend to get over men pretty quickly. I got over the Personal Trainer pretty quickly. So why can’t I get over The Recruiter?

I’ll tell you why. Because he made me feel right. And good. And that he truly cared.  But what he did also was the worst thing a man could do. He took my one biggest fear when it came to men and turned it on me. He stood in my kitchen and asked me about my previous relationships and what hurt me most.

I told him – men that go 60 MPH and then disappear all of the sudden. Then we had a wonderful 24 hours together.  We went to my friend’s play, back to his house to get some of his stuff, ordered pizza, and relaxed at my house. I told him it was nice to fall asleep and wake up next to him. He learned about my family. My closest friends.

And then he left to go have lunch with his friend. And said he would “definitely try to come back.” But he didn’t and when we talked and texted later that day, he seemed off. He seemed weird.

Then he didn’t return my text the next day. I spoke to my friends and re-read all the dating sites. I was reminded that a man wants to chase and if he wanted to reach out, he would. He didn’t. I waited a week and then I reached out. I had to. And he didn’t respond. So I got my closure. Not complete closure, but at least I got an answer.

But I’m so hurt. You did the one thing I asked you not to. You took my heart and then you ran away without any explanation.

DAMN YOU. DAMN YOU. DAMN YOU!

My therapist suggested I journal. And I typically journal this type of stuff, privately. But I felt this needed a more “public” display. You don’t know I blog. I’m sure you don’t even care.

You hurt me. You knew disappearing on me would destroy me and you didn’t care. Not one iota. We had a wonderful 24 hours, had a blast, made out, talked about future dates, slept in, and made breakfast. And then 24 hours later you dipped out and disappeared.

Well, I’ll tell you this. I have great friends – and even in this crazy blizzard (yes, another one), where I would usually be brooding by myself, my friends invited me down to their condo.  We ordered pizza, drank wine, had dessert, and yes talked about you.  I needed to get you out of my system. And guess what? I feel better. I feel I can move on from whatever connection we had…

I wish you all the best in your life. But I wish for something wonderful for mine. And sadly, it won’t include you. I do know that it will include an amazing man that won’t pull a “Houdini” on me ever again.

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