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Just Because I’m Single…

21 Jul

I have a beef to make…is that the right saying?  If not, here’s what I’m trying to say…I have a problem with married people.  Not that I’m not happy for you. Or your respective husbands or wives. Or children. Or pets. My problem is that you think just because I am single, I have more flexibility than you do.

Newsflash: I am just as busy, if not busier than you.  Here’s why:

  • I have to clean my house. I am not a two-income household. And yes, my house may be smaller than yours, but I have MY OWN and I have to clean it. I have some disposable income, but not enough to pay for a housekeeper.  Which most of you do. The housekeeper, that is. You don’t have to worry about keeping your home clean because some helps you.
  • Similar to above, I have to do my own grocery shopping and cooking. I have no help for that. So sometimes, I spend my Sunday mornings prepping for the rest of the week. I can’t just send my hubby to do it.
  • Did I mention my bills? I have to take the time to pay for them. And guess what, with a home – I have the same amount/number of bills as you.  Mortgage, insurance, water, etc.etc. etc.
  • And God forbid something breaks. I need to research and find people to help fix the big problems in my house – y’know…A/C, plumbing, etc. And guess what? That takes time and money. Must I reiterate this is a one-income, one person household? So it all falls on me.
  • I work very long hours. I work across many different timezones – and oftentimes work 12 hour days. And I can’t use the reason of going home to a family to get the better work/life balance. I still have to commute, clean, cook, and take care of me.  Which all takes time.
  • I date. Yes, just because I’m single, doesn’t mean that I don’t go out. Do you know how exhausting it is to date in your 30s? Especially when you work 12 hour days (see above!)? And it takes more effort than when in your 20s to make yourself look presentable.
  • I have pets just like you. But when I travel – and trust me, I travel more than most – I have to figure out who takes cares of Bella. I don’t have husband to watch over her  when I leave. I have to plan. (And yes, pay for a petsitter.)
  • I commute – and unfortunately, it takes a long time to get to the job that pays me what I need to be paid in order to pay the mortgage, the bills, my food, and my pet sitter for when I travel. Not that you don’t commute as well, but I don’t have that person to lean on, talk to, vent to, etc. when commuting for long periods of time.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think your lives are always perfect. And I appreciate every single one of my friends and feel that being husbands/wives/parents are the greatest gifts you can offer to this world. But I also hope that this feeling could be reciprocated. Just once for the single girl.

Because I’m single, doesn’t mean that I can just always come to you. Sometimes if you came to me, had dinner at my house, or simply understood that I can’t always drop my responsibilities at the drop of a hat just because you want me to, I would feel better.  But to always expect me to drive the 10, 20, 50+ miles to visit you…well, its a hard pill to swallow.

For once, it would be nice if the married people understood that being single still has it’s responsibilities. Just because we’re single, doesn’t mean that we are single-minded.

Trying to Understand

12 May

Since my 20s, my friends have tried to tell e that men say what they mean and act the way they feel, and you don’t have to question anything. It’s pretty simple.  There isn’t any questioning.

Yet, I’m questioning.

The last man I enjoyed going out with was the one document here, and at the time, I questioned if I would hear from him. Well I did. And we had a wonderful second date.  He made dinner plans, bought tickets for a comedy show, held my hand, picked me up early, gave me a kiss goodnight, and said he wanted to see me before I left on my next work trip later that week.

We enjoyed each others’ company and texted saying we wanted to hang out again late that evening and the following morning.

Then why didn’t he ask me out again? Why didn’t he jump on the chance to see me again when I suggested the next date? Why didn’t he follow through with seeing me again when he originally said he wanted to? I don’t get it.  I didn’t push, I didn’t act like a drunken mess. We had a great time and I could see a third date and I thought he did too.

I know it’s not my fault. And I’m sure something just changed with him, but I just don’t understand what happened. Why did I get dumped without any explanation?

I know this is just on my path to finding “the one!”  So I’m putting it out to the universe that I AM  READY TO FIND HIM! Bring my one to me already!

Has this happened to anyone else? Please share your stories!

 

He Didn’t Own Pants?

10 Apr

Caught with pants downSo it’s been two years. And I didn’t realize it was that long. I was in a dark(ish) place back then. I was using this blog as a place to vent and be a b!tch. I hated that. Since then, I’ve dated several men and fell for two. I’ll go into details about both in later blog, but quickly:

 

  • Low Key dude – he was awesome. He owned his own business, his own house, but not his own suit. Or pants for that matter. Well he owned jeans. Dirty jeans and shorts. I’m sorry – call it narcissistic, but I think any man in his mid-30s should own slacks and at least one suite. He fought me on it when we were supposed to go to a wedding together. Needless to say, we never made it to said wedding.
  • Surfer dude – complete opposite of low key dude in sooo many ways. He was polished, incredibly intelligent, and we had an amazing connection. Like ah-ma-zing. Like “WHOA, did you just feel that?” kind of connection. We were friends, which turned into benefits, which turned into both of us freaking out on one another for no good reason. Basically as awesome as he was, he brought unnecessary drama into my life. I adored him and we had that “thing” on so many levels that doesn’t come around often. But for some reason, we couldn’t make that connection last. Sadly, he always thought the worst of me. And that broke my heart.

So if one broke my heart and one didn’t own a suit for a wedding, can you guess who I stayed with longer? Who was my long-term boyfriend and who was short-term?
(I’m sure you have an idea….not saying it’s right or I’m right, but this is my journey. Welcome aboard!) I’ll discuss more in further entries. And I do hope you share your stories along the way!

Is Texting The New Way to “Mark Your Territory”?

21 Sep

Well, it is no surprise that I’m an online dater.  I admit – I’ve tried several sites and some I like, some I don’t.  And most of the time, I have fun on them.  It’s a new way to meet people.  I love going to networking and charity events, but this provides a new avenue for me, which I like.

With that long intro, let’s get into today’s subject. I recently started chatting with two guys and both asked me for my phone number.  I was interested in both and thought “why not?” Can it hurt? Nope.

Let’s talk about the first guy, the “nice guy.”  The one who read my profile and asked questions about me based on it.  Very nice. Asked if I wanted to meet for drinks the following week. I said sure and here’s my number.  Well he called me.  Three days later and it was late on a Sunday night, so I didn’t pick up (I also happened to be in a heated debate with a family member at the time.) So I called him the next day – within 24 hours and left a nice voicemail. B/c my friend and I already dubbed him the “nice guy”, I decided to text him a couple of hours later.  And then it began. Tons of texting back and forth.  When I finally said, “let’s talk tomorrow” – and he agreed.

What did he then do the next day? Texted.  And after some back and forth, I just wrote, “call me when you have a moment and we can figure out drinks this week.”  This was on a Tuesday. He called. But said he was booked up for the rest of the week (ummm, remember, you asked me out first), but that he would call or text to figure something out for the next week.

Fast forward five more days and I get a text. That’s it… If you can’t ask me out like a gentleman AND you wait five days to contace me when you didn’t follow through the first time, apparently dating isn’t a high priority for you. And that’s fine. But it’s not for me. I’m putting myself out there- and I want someone to do the same for me. Done and done.

Let’s go to the next guy, the one we rightfully or wrongfully dubbed “the player” – which came about because of what he wrote in his profile and the pictures he posted.  Fine, we (I) judged.  It’s OK, you can judge me for me judging.  I’ve dealt with worse.

But back to the player.  The one who ONLY texts. The one who says he’ll call and what does he do? Yup. Texts.  Last week, after he told me he’d call, he waited two days to contact me again and sent me a smiley face.  I talked to a few of my friends about the situation and they all came up with the same question I had: “How the hell do you respond to a smiley face?” The answer? You don’t. I ignored. Again, he texted me this week.  This time, asking me how my week was going.

When my friend and I chatted about she responded with the following – I kid you not:

“texting is like the new “marking terrotory” thing.  like they have to pee all over the place”

And you know what? She’s right. I bet I’m not the only one he’s been texting this to, and I wonder what kind of response, if any, he’s expecting from me. Why now?  How many other women is he marking his territory with? Is it even worth responding? I don’t know.

Now before you think I’m so frigid person stuck in the dark ages, let me explain. I think technology is  great – I have multiple computers, smartphone, etc. And texting does have its place.  It does make sense to communicate with folks this way – once you have a set relationship in place.  My perference is to send a quick one letting a friend know I’m thinking of them, running late for drinks, or to try and set up a phone date.  Maybe I am old fashioned a bit when it comes to dating, but I do feel I should be asked out like how my dad asked my mom out – via phone.  Though in this decade, it can be on my smartphone. 🙂

Protected: I’m A Sensitive Cancer…and I Refuse to Apologize for That

20 Sep

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I Need Him to Walk Me to My Car

28 Aug

In the past month, I’ve had several first dates. Shocker, I know.  Here is the very quick low-down on them all.

– Lunch date with the Brit.  Had fun, low key, very interesting. Didn’t walk me to my car afterward. Never heard from him again.

– Date with loud Jew.  Louder than me.  Good convo, bad table manners. But walked me to my car.  And then called, texted, and asked me out. I politely let him down.

– Appetizers and drinks with the hunky entrepreneur. Had a blast. Until his friends showed up. Yup. You read it right. Grant it, they showed up after we had been on the date for nearly four hours. I wish the date ended before they came, b/c it was going so well. And then he became one of the boys. And didn’t walk me to my car. BUT then I did hear from him a day later and then he went dark.

But the point is, HE DIDN’T WALK ME TO MY CAR. And I’ve realized, that is now my deal breaker. Now, before you judge, hear me out.  And my guy friends have backed me up. I am an independent person. Always have been. But I think chivalry should not die in this century and men should always walk women to their cars – especially when it’s dark out.

That was the thing that was the deal breaker with my guy friends.  He should have walked me to my car. Any gentleman would.  And men who really dig women will go above and beyond that as well. And I deserve it. And I want it.  So not walking me to my car, is one of my deal breakers.  What’s yours?

The Time BFF Thought I Was Engaged…

3 Jul

Full disclosure: BFF and I had BFF weekend and knows I’m writing this blog. We had such a great time and I’ll blog more about that later. But I have a story to write that she relayed to me last night, so here goes:

Five years ago BFF got married and I was the MOH. And let me tell you, I think I was probably the bestest of all MOH in the world.  I planned two bachelorette parties AND a shower all from Beantown with two out of three parties taking place in the Sunny South.  All good and a lot of fun, with of course a little bit drama. But that’s for another blog, for another day.

Anyway, the night of her wedding, after all the food was eaten and all the alcohol had been drunk and all the gifts had been transported and yes, I had gotten home safely, I received, what I thought, was a drunken, emotional, tearful call from BFF.

Last night, I found out I was wrong. I never signed or added a photo in her wedding book. Not for any other reason, other than the fact, that I was so busy that day and night, I simply forgot. And to this day, I have yet to go and sign it or add a picture to it, which all the guests did. Why do it now? We all know I was there and it’s kinda funny that I haven’t.

But my two dates actually took  a Polaroid picture and signed it together. Yes, my two dates – who thought they were being funny – included the Seven Year Man and my dad. (I’m sure a lot of vodka was imbibed when they took the picture  and made the comment: “Yes, we’re finally getting married!”) Or something along those lines.

Anyway, BFF thought that was our way – meaning mine and Seven Year Man’s way – of telling her that we were engaged. What I thought was a tearful call on her wedding night, was really her way of asking me if we were engaged. When I wasn’t giving her that answer, she busted out her acting chops and faked being an emotional new bride. Good, huh?

And five years later over sushi and several glasses of plum wine, she explained to me that she was not being an overemotional bride, with new responsibilities and a new husband, but she thought she was now a soon-to-be happy MOH herself. Which of course, she was not.

This story turned out to be news to me…and a fun story to share with you all.

If you know us, you know this is funny.

And to this day, she is expecting to be a MOH soon.