Tag Archives: Being Single

No More “Filler” Guys

26 Feb

I can’t take credit for this statement. I just read to fantastic articles on EliteDaily:

As I’m dealing with the aftermath of getting over The Recruiter, I’ve done all kinds of reading, watching all kinds of videos, and doing a lot of thinking. Maybe way too much thinking. Way, way, way too  much thinking. I keep questioning if I did something wrong, gave the wrong vibe, maybe the wrong impression. But I don’t think so. I debate calling him, but not sure that’s the best approach either. If he wanted to talk, he knew how to reach me.

I started feeling better last night and this morning, with only a few bouts or twinges of hurt. Then I read these articles I linked to above and felt it was a message I needed to hear. And I feel a bit better. Maybe the Recruiter was just a filler guy. Someone who is taking up my man space. I haven’t had a mother to talk to one-on-one in many years. More than a decade, but I felt that if she were around, she would have something similar. Maybe not in those exact words, but along those lines.

Then I read the second article – and I believe I deserve someone who will give me the world and nothing less.We all deserve it. They’re both good reads, so I think you need to take the time to. 🙂 My two cents…for what it’s worth….

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Cabin Fever AKA I Need to get You Out of My Head

17 Feb

“I’m worried about you. You never take this long to get over a guy,” said one of my closest friends

She said this to me a couple of days ago. She was legitimately worried about me and she’s right. I tend to get over men pretty quickly. I got over the Personal Trainer pretty quickly. So why can’t I get over The Recruiter?

I’ll tell you why. Because he made me feel right. And good. And that he truly cared.  But what he did also was the worst thing a man could do. He took my one biggest fear when it came to men and turned it on me. He stood in my kitchen and asked me about my previous relationships and what hurt me most.

I told him – men that go 60 MPH and then disappear all of the sudden. Then we had a wonderful 24 hours together.  We went to my friend’s play, back to his house to get some of his stuff, ordered pizza, and relaxed at my house. I told him it was nice to fall asleep and wake up next to him. He learned about my family. My closest friends.

And then he left to go have lunch with his friend. And said he would “definitely try to come back.” But he didn’t and when we talked and texted later that day, he seemed off. He seemed weird.

Then he didn’t return my text the next day. I spoke to my friends and re-read all the dating sites. I was reminded that a man wants to chase and if he wanted to reach out, he would. He didn’t. I waited a week and then I reached out. I had to. And he didn’t respond. So I got my closure. Not complete closure, but at least I got an answer.

But I’m so hurt. You did the one thing I asked you not to. You took my heart and then you ran away without any explanation.

DAMN YOU. DAMN YOU. DAMN YOU!

My therapist suggested I journal. And I typically journal this type of stuff, privately. But I felt this needed a more “public” display. You don’t know I blog. I’m sure you don’t even care.

You hurt me. You knew disappearing on me would destroy me and you didn’t care. Not one iota. We had a wonderful 24 hours, had a blast, made out, talked about future dates, slept in, and made breakfast. And then 24 hours later you dipped out and disappeared.

Well, I’ll tell you this. I have great friends – and even in this crazy blizzard (yes, another one), where I would usually be brooding by myself, my friends invited me down to their condo.  We ordered pizza, drank wine, had dessert, and yes talked about you.  I needed to get you out of my system. And guess what? I feel better. I feel I can move on from whatever connection we had…

I wish you all the best in your life. But I wish for something wonderful for mine. And sadly, it won’t include you. I do know that it will include an amazing man that won’t pull a “Houdini” on me ever again.

Just Because I’m Single…

21 Jul

I have a beef to make…is that the right saying?  If not, here’s what I’m trying to say…I have a problem with married people.  Not that I’m not happy for you. Or your respective husbands or wives. Or children. Or pets. My problem is that you think just because I am single, I have more flexibility than you do.

Newsflash: I am just as busy, if not busier than you.  Here’s why:

  • I have to clean my house. I am not a two-income household. And yes, my house may be smaller than yours, but I have MY OWN and I have to clean it. I have some disposable income, but not enough to pay for a housekeeper.  Which most of you do. The housekeeper, that is. You don’t have to worry about keeping your home clean because some helps you.
  • Similar to above, I have to do my own grocery shopping and cooking. I have no help for that. So sometimes, I spend my Sunday mornings prepping for the rest of the week. I can’t just send my hubby to do it.
  • Did I mention my bills? I have to take the time to pay for them. And guess what, with a home – I have the same amount/number of bills as you.  Mortgage, insurance, water, etc.etc. etc.
  • And God forbid something breaks. I need to research and find people to help fix the big problems in my house – y’know…A/C, plumbing, etc. And guess what? That takes time and money. Must I reiterate this is a one-income, one person household? So it all falls on me.
  • I work very long hours. I work across many different timezones – and oftentimes work 12 hour days. And I can’t use the reason of going home to a family to get the better work/life balance. I still have to commute, clean, cook, and take care of me.  Which all takes time.
  • I date. Yes, just because I’m single, doesn’t mean that I don’t go out. Do you know how exhausting it is to date in your 30s? Especially when you work 12 hour days (see above!)? And it takes more effort than when in your 20s to make yourself look presentable.
  • I have pets just like you. But when I travel – and trust me, I travel more than most – I have to figure out who takes cares of Bella. I don’t have husband to watch over her  when I leave. I have to plan. (And yes, pay for a petsitter.)
  • I commute – and unfortunately, it takes a long time to get to the job that pays me what I need to be paid in order to pay the mortgage, the bills, my food, and my pet sitter for when I travel. Not that you don’t commute as well, but I don’t have that person to lean on, talk to, vent to, etc. when commuting for long periods of time.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think your lives are always perfect. And I appreciate every single one of my friends and feel that being husbands/wives/parents are the greatest gifts you can offer to this world. But I also hope that this feeling could be reciprocated. Just once for the single girl.

Because I’m single, doesn’t mean that I can just always come to you. Sometimes if you came to me, had dinner at my house, or simply understood that I can’t always drop my responsibilities at the drop of a hat just because you want me to, I would feel better.  But to always expect me to drive the 10, 20, 50+ miles to visit you…well, its a hard pill to swallow.

For once, it would be nice if the married people understood that being single still has it’s responsibilities. Just because we’re single, doesn’t mean that we are single-minded.

Why Girls Weekends are Important

26 May

I’ve been thinking a lot about why I decided to start my blog up again.  I know I’ve talked about it and I’ve been reflecting a lot on why I used to love writing so much. I write for a living – not in a traditional sense, but I work in the communications field, so I’m constantly writing and editing something. This blog provided me an outlet and a new way to hone my skills. Am I best the writer? Nope. But does this help me express myself? Absolutely.  Do I hope to turn this blog into something bigger? HELL YA! I’m just doing my research.

But I was thinking recently about two things:

  1. There is a song that can fit ANY situation – work, relationships, whatever…
  2. Girls time is SUPER important.

Last weekend, I went on my annual girls trip to the island with three of my friends for Wine Fest.  It’s our fourth year going together and every year, we have a ball. 😉  We drink, we eat, we shop, we just get really silly.  Basically, we put our cares away and always comment how “re-entry” back to the city and real life is tough.  I feel that it’s important we spend this time together since it allows us to just forget about some of our cares and just have a good time together. No muss, no stress, just some time away.  And a lot of laughs. And maybe one of us stumbles along the way. Hey, it happens.

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And every year, I see my bartender.

Yes, my bartender.  He is my safe haven from the rest of the world.  We expect just to have fun – and cause a lot of trouble – together. He is part of the reason why re-entry is so tough. Do I expect more than just time together on the island? Nope. We’re on the same page when it comes to that aspect.

So I was thrown for a loop when we’ve texted a little since coming back. Again, it’s been minimal and I don’t expect much beyond a few texts, but it was nice to be wanted and thought of again.

I believe part of the reason why I’m attractive to him is because of my girls. Because when I go there, I am happy, I am having a blast, and I am my best self.  Happiness just exudes from me because of our friendship.  I truly believe that impacts how he sees me.

So why are girls weekends important? You can be yourself with them. You can laugh and be silly. You can be your best self. And that is super attractive.

 

 

 

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22 Dec

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Is It Always Black & White?

27 Oct

Or are there shades of gray when dating?

OK, friends, I have a little story to share. One I’m not happy about and one I’m working through. About a month ago, I met someone online. He’s not from here, but is moving here for his job and will be in the same city as me in less than a month. For the past three or four weeks, we’ve emailed, we’ve talked, we texted. We got to know one another pretty damn well. And when he found out when he was coming up here to apartment-hunt, he made it known he wanted to see me.  Take me out, have dinner and drinks.

Well, that week is this week. As of this weekend, we had planned to meet on Wednesday night (last night) – place TBD once he figured out his hotel situation.  Calm down – it was so we could pick a spot close to his hotel so he could get there easily by public transport. Last time we spoke was way into the wee hours of Sunday morning.  And then we texted later that afternoon.

That was when I last heard from him.We didn’t argue, we didn’t have a disagreement – it was just the last time I heard from him. His flight was due in two nights ago and I texted him welcoming him here.  No response.

My heart sunk. And I cried myself to sleep, with Bella beside me. And I prayed that if I didn’t hear from him, that I’d gain strength to move on, quickly. May sound dramatic when you think I  never met the guy in person. But we clicked and for some reason I felt a great connection/pull towards him.  And he did too – he verbalized it more than me.

I woke up that next morning – hopeful I missed a text or a call in the middle of the night. And when I didn’t, when I realized he didn’t even have the decency to text back a simple “thanks”, I realized I never would hear from him again.

My friends, although they think I am right to move on, think I should still be hopeful. One said its not black and white. If I do hear from him, I should meet up with him and see where it goes.  Maybe he is overwhelmed with the move (I would be), maybe he met someone else, but in the end, he owes nothing to me.  At most, maybe some courtesy to tell me after these weeks of him saying how much he wanted to see me, that he no longer did. But that is still a gray area. Maybe I will hear from him while he’s in town later this week. Maybe I’ll hear from him again when he moves here permanently.  Like my friend said, its not black and white.

As I look out at the grayness outside my window, I realize she’s right. There is no black and white with dating – there are all shades of gray. Who knows what happened? What he got involved in this week? Maybe he got spooked? Maybe he found someone else? Unless I talk with him, I’ll never know.

And while my peeps think that there is hope and I’ll hear from him soon, I have to trust my gut even when it hurts and realize, sometimes these questions may be left unanswered and will forever lie around in several shades of gray.

Is It OK to be Sad?

14 Sep

Most times, I am a happy person. My friends turn to me to be the jovial one, the person that makes the party a little bit more memorable in some possible way.

Am I overexaggerating? Being a little too cocky?

No, they’ve told me. And they remind me of such when I’m not my usual self (and yes, that happened a couple of times last night).  Why am I sad? Well, let’s discuss….

  • I’m sad over 9/11. I know, I know. Everyone is.  It’s so much more than just a blemish on our history. It’s a big, black, thunderstorm that likes to rain on our parade every year. While I KNOW others went through a helluva lot more than me, my sign is Cancer (aka very sensitive) and everything bothers me a little more than I should. Plus my mind is a steel trap and I remember everything from that time period. I remember where I was sitting when we first head the news.  I remember running to the TV in my office. I remember calling my mom. Trying to find my friend who was in the second tower that was struck. I remember calling our other friend, frantic, panicking, trying to find her. We found her. Safe and sound. Well not sound, but at least safe and now she has a beautful family far away from NYC.  I remember going down to the Pentagon about a week later to work. I remember seeing that big, black, gaping hole.  That one thing that reminded me, “yes, this happened. Yes, you witnessed history. Yes, this may be your generation’s JFK moment”, but you need to become stronger from it.
  • I’m sad because I miss my mother more during these times. More than I do on a daily basis. More than I can express. I cry every day I think of her this much and it hurts. It hurts me to the core and I just sit here and cry.
  • I’m sad because this year hasn’t been everything I hoped it would turn into. I had so many dreams and ambitions and projects I was working on. And for some reason or another, I lost the drive. I lost the will to move forward. I’ve tried and tried and for some reason I lost the young enthusiasm I once had.  And it makes me feel old. And I know I’m not old, I have so many years ahead of me. But when I can’t keep up with myself, I feel that way.
  • I’m sad because although I’m happy with my job and appreciate the friends that have stuck by me. And those who have either come in or re-entered my life. But I’m missing that one last piece. That one little piece of my life that hasn’t fallen into place yet. I’m happy for everyone who has found that person, but I have to ask “when will it be my turn?” I’ve meet a ton of guys and for one reason or another, it doesn’t fall into place.  I don’t fall into his life and vice versa. I try to stay positive, but sometimes, with all this extra weight on my shoulders, it’s tough. And the latest guys have fallen short. Very, very short of any expectations I had. Which were little.

Well, enough of this pity party. If you have any ideas on how to cheer me up, I’m ALLLLL ears.  PLEASE SHARE!