Tag Archives: Dating

No More “Filler” Guys

26 Feb

I can’t take credit for this statement. I just read to fantastic articles on EliteDaily:

As I’m dealing with the aftermath of getting over The Recruiter, I’ve done all kinds of reading, watching all kinds of videos, and doing a lot of thinking. Maybe way too much thinking. Way, way, way too  much thinking. I keep questioning if I did something wrong, gave the wrong vibe, maybe the wrong impression. But I don’t think so. I debate calling him, but not sure that’s the best approach either. If he wanted to talk, he knew how to reach me.

I started feeling better last night and this morning, with only a few bouts or twinges of hurt. Then I read these articles I linked to above and felt it was a message I needed to hear. And I feel a bit better. Maybe the Recruiter was just a filler guy. Someone who is taking up my man space. I haven’t had a mother to talk to one-on-one in many years. More than a decade, but I felt that if she were around, she would have something similar. Maybe not in those exact words, but along those lines.

Then I read the second article – and I believe I deserve someone who will give me the world and nothing less.We all deserve it. They’re both good reads, so I think you need to take the time to. 🙂 My two cents…for what it’s worth….

Cabin Fever AKA I Need to get You Out of My Head

17 Feb

“I’m worried about you. You never take this long to get over a guy,” said one of my closest friends

She said this to me a couple of days ago. She was legitimately worried about me and she’s right. I tend to get over men pretty quickly. I got over the Personal Trainer pretty quickly. So why can’t I get over The Recruiter?

I’ll tell you why. Because he made me feel right. And good. And that he truly cared.  But what he did also was the worst thing a man could do. He took my one biggest fear when it came to men and turned it on me. He stood in my kitchen and asked me about my previous relationships and what hurt me most.

I told him – men that go 60 MPH and then disappear all of the sudden. Then we had a wonderful 24 hours together.  We went to my friend’s play, back to his house to get some of his stuff, ordered pizza, and relaxed at my house. I told him it was nice to fall asleep and wake up next to him. He learned about my family. My closest friends.

And then he left to go have lunch with his friend. And said he would “definitely try to come back.” But he didn’t and when we talked and texted later that day, he seemed off. He seemed weird.

Then he didn’t return my text the next day. I spoke to my friends and re-read all the dating sites. I was reminded that a man wants to chase and if he wanted to reach out, he would. He didn’t. I waited a week and then I reached out. I had to. And he didn’t respond. So I got my closure. Not complete closure, but at least I got an answer.

But I’m so hurt. You did the one thing I asked you not to. You took my heart and then you ran away without any explanation.

DAMN YOU. DAMN YOU. DAMN YOU!

My therapist suggested I journal. And I typically journal this type of stuff, privately. But I felt this needed a more “public” display. You don’t know I blog. I’m sure you don’t even care.

You hurt me. You knew disappearing on me would destroy me and you didn’t care. Not one iota. We had a wonderful 24 hours, had a blast, made out, talked about future dates, slept in, and made breakfast. And then 24 hours later you dipped out and disappeared.

Well, I’ll tell you this. I have great friends – and even in this crazy blizzard (yes, another one), where I would usually be brooding by myself, my friends invited me down to their condo.  We ordered pizza, drank wine, had dessert, and yes talked about you.  I needed to get you out of my system. And guess what? I feel better. I feel I can move on from whatever connection we had…

I wish you all the best in your life. But I wish for something wonderful for mine. And sadly, it won’t include you. I do know that it will include an amazing man that won’t pull a “Houdini” on me ever again.

Taking My Power Back

10 Feb

The past year has been a hectic ride. I took most of 2014 to be single and do what was best for me.  I dated, I had a couple of flings. But nothing too serious.

When we got closer to the end of the year, I realized I wanted to change my ways. I realized I did want a partner. I wanted someone to share my weekends with, my dinners with, and be that partner that they need as well. I thought I found that with the personal trainer. My god, was he hot.  Amazing body, incredibly cerebral, but totally did not have his act together. Which was a shame. We had good conversations and when I needed someone, he was by my side.

Until he wasn’t.  He disappeared quite frequently. He had baggage – his old life, his crazy ex-girlfriends, his daughter from a previous relationship. He said he had ambition to go back to school, but never pursued it. He said he wanted to do more with his personal training business, but didn’t do anything to move it forward. When things got insane in his life, he disappeared. And that was all within the first few weeks of us dating.

Finally it hit me, he wasn’t ready. He was pushing me away. The first time he did, I understood. Said let’s take a step back and re-evaluate where we are and be friends. That worked for about a week. Then I traveled, but kept in touch. Then when I was back, he pushed me away again. That was it, I was done. And I told him so. Well, I texted him so – that was his MO.  He wouldn’t talk, only text. That should have been a dead give away.

So I took a few days and then went back online and found the recruiter.  Solid, normal, guy. Had his act together. Wanted to see me, made plans in advance, held the car door for me, helped me in the snow.  All around awesome guy.  Now a few weeks in, he has done the vanishing act. And I’m sad. Very sad and very mopey.  Doesn’t help that we’re all cooped up here in one of the worst winters we’ve ever had…I mean, in years, decades. It’s bad. He was supposed to spend the weekend with me and left after one night. It made me wonder what I did wrong. I talked with my friends, tried to focus on work and the house, etc. Then my friend sent me this video and I decided to give him his space.

What kills me is that I’ve opened up to him and told him my fears of men acting distant and vanishing. And what did he do? Not even a day later? The vanishing act. So this is me, writing, and taking my power back.

I’m not sure who is still reading this blog or if you’ll even care. But I needed to write this post for me. I’m hoping he comes back and wants to talk. But after a lot of soul searching, I’ve realized I’ve done nothing wrong and he needs to figure his shit out. And if he wants me, we’ll have a talk about our values and what we each want (again.)

Wish me luck because even though The Recruiter has done the vanishing act, he really is a good guy. And I like him and I’m hoping we can pursue something larger. But if not, then I’ve learned something from this nonsense and will move on soon.

Why Girls Weekends are Important

26 May

I’ve been thinking a lot about why I decided to start my blog up again.  I know I’ve talked about it and I’ve been reflecting a lot on why I used to love writing so much. I write for a living – not in a traditional sense, but I work in the communications field, so I’m constantly writing and editing something. This blog provided me an outlet and a new way to hone my skills. Am I best the writer? Nope. But does this help me express myself? Absolutely.  Do I hope to turn this blog into something bigger? HELL YA! I’m just doing my research.

But I was thinking recently about two things:

  1. There is a song that can fit ANY situation – work, relationships, whatever…
  2. Girls time is SUPER important.

Last weekend, I went on my annual girls trip to the island with three of my friends for Wine Fest.  It’s our fourth year going together and every year, we have a ball. 😉  We drink, we eat, we shop, we just get really silly.  Basically, we put our cares away and always comment how “re-entry” back to the city and real life is tough.  I feel that it’s important we spend this time together since it allows us to just forget about some of our cares and just have a good time together. No muss, no stress, just some time away.  And a lot of laughs. And maybe one of us stumbles along the way. Hey, it happens.

8212441-two-wine-glasses-in-toasting-with-splash

And every year, I see my bartender.

Yes, my bartender.  He is my safe haven from the rest of the world.  We expect just to have fun – and cause a lot of trouble – together. He is part of the reason why re-entry is so tough. Do I expect more than just time together on the island? Nope. We’re on the same page when it comes to that aspect.

So I was thrown for a loop when we’ve texted a little since coming back. Again, it’s been minimal and I don’t expect much beyond a few texts, but it was nice to be wanted and thought of again.

I believe part of the reason why I’m attractive to him is because of my girls. Because when I go there, I am happy, I am having a blast, and I am my best self.  Happiness just exudes from me because of our friendship.  I truly believe that impacts how he sees me.

So why are girls weekends important? You can be yourself with them. You can laugh and be silly. You can be your best self. And that is super attractive.

 

 

 

Trying to Understand

12 May

Since my 20s, my friends have tried to tell e that men say what they mean and act the way they feel, and you don’t have to question anything. It’s pretty simple.  There isn’t any questioning.

Yet, I’m questioning.

The last man I enjoyed going out with was the one document here, and at the time, I questioned if I would hear from him. Well I did. And we had a wonderful second date.  He made dinner plans, bought tickets for a comedy show, held my hand, picked me up early, gave me a kiss goodnight, and said he wanted to see me before I left on my next work trip later that week.

We enjoyed each others’ company and texted saying we wanted to hang out again late that evening and the following morning.

Then why didn’t he ask me out again? Why didn’t he jump on the chance to see me again when I suggested the next date? Why didn’t he follow through with seeing me again when he originally said he wanted to? I don’t get it.  I didn’t push, I didn’t act like a drunken mess. We had a great time and I could see a third date and I thought he did too.

I know it’s not my fault. And I’m sure something just changed with him, but I just don’t understand what happened. Why did I get dumped without any explanation?

I know this is just on my path to finding “the one!”  So I’m putting it out to the universe that I AM  READY TO FIND HIM! Bring my one to me already!

Has this happened to anyone else? Please share your stories!

 

Does the Three Day Rule Still Exist in Your 30s?

17 Apr

A few nights ago I went out on a date. And for the first time, I really liked the guy after the first date. I mean, I actually texted him once I got home to tell him how much I enjoyed the date. In my book that means I really had fun. He texted, said he wanted to see me again soon, but never set a date. So me being me, started to worry….

The next day, I didn’t hear from him, so I posted the following on Facebook: “Does the three day rule still exist in our 30s?” I had a feeling this would elicit a myriad of responses and it did! I captured them in three buckets: Helpful, Touching, and Comical. I also redacted details and contact information. Basically the consensus is the same –if a person wants to see you, he (or she) will make the effort. And no, the three day rule should not apply. What are your thoughts? Anything my friends missed?

Helpful

  • No rules anymore I’m afraid. However, the good thing is you can call. Bold.
  • Good things come to those who wait; things worthwhile are worth waiting for; if it’s meant to be it will happen…insert any other cliches here!!
  • I met BOY and left 2 days later for vacation for a week. Told him I would call him when I got back – so we didn’t speak until I came home. And I did call him when I got back. AND he cancelled our first real date because he was sick. I have never been happier. Wait or call him. Do what makes you happy and what you want someone to do for you. Loves. Xoxo (Oh should specify – after the 1st cancelled date we went out the following day and were/are inseparable.)
  • Every situation and person is different… I have total faith whatever happens is what is meant to happen.
  • I think if you want to talk to someone, you call them. If someone wants to talk to you, they call you. Simple. Try to relax and not overthink it. “Rules” are silly.What’s all this about phone calls? It’s all about the more personal methods like text, email, or FB these days… (Joking…)
  • No 3-day rule no call, you are still a child. Next!!!! Move on, you deserve much better. If you haven’t called I am wondering why it’s on him to make the call. Just curious.
  • Some days life gets busy and calls get forgotten, or it gets too late in the night, or you’re unsure if they want you to call, etc., etc. so in the end whoever wants to make the call should just make the call and see what happens, for all you know he’s waiting on you to call and wondering the exact same thing.

Touching

  • Based on the fact that I’ve been with the same girl for 20 years means I am completely out of touch and have no game. That said what’s changed since the mid 90’s? Nothing right?
  • I met this girl a long time ago. We hit it off immediately and hung out the entire night. At the end of the night I asked for her number. She said, no, let me get yours. At that point I thought I’d never hear from her again. She called the very next day and we went out on our first date that evening! We were inseparable from then on, and are still together, happily married to this day!
  • In my situation there were ZERO phone calls- we met and the next day he knocked on my door. It will be 16 years next month. It should be easy, effortless almost. That mutual feeling of just wanting to be with each other as much as possible.

Comical

  • Guys will always be guys. 3 day rule always applies. Have to keep em guessing!!
  • What’s the 3 day rule?
  • I was not single in my 30s but I would probably check in to make sure the girl got home alright the next morning. Or I would take her out to breakfast and talk about our future together.
  • Sorry – the 3 day rule exists at every age (I agree it’s dumb!). And HE should call YOU first… or at least call you back. lol!!
  • No, it does not. By the time we are in our 30s, a man is usually mature enough to avoid stupid games.

Interesting comments, right? My friends are actually incredibly intelligent and awesome. And the best, they come from all different walks of life!

OH – you may be wondering if he contacted me. We have our second date on Saturday – dinner and a comedy show. And he didn’t wait the full three days to contact me or ask me out. J Maybe he doesn’t know about the three-day rule himself… Hmmmm…
Stay tuned!

Introduction: Low Key Dude

15 Apr

OK, OK, so anyone who knows me in real life, knows I am anything BUT low key most of the time. The words “calm”, “carefree”, and “low key” are not descriptors of me.  Which is why I think I was so attracted and interested in Low Key Dude.  It is also no surprise to anyone who knows me that, I date men online.  Which is where I met Low Key Dude (LKD for short, K!)

So I met him on eHarmomy a little more than a year ago. He texted, he called, he actually asked me out. Gasp – via a call and not a text (to understand my feelings on texting, read here!) He called me that night – grant it, I was already on my way to meet him – to confirm our date. He waited for me outside the restaurant.  We ordered a few apps. We talked for a couple of hours (which is how I handle most dates.)

And when it was all said and done, I came to one conclusion, he was an overall nice guy. No complaints. And I decided if he asked, I would go out with him again.

He did…and I did.  And we had fun. I can’t exactly remember what we did (which should probably indicate one or two things), but we had a nice time (note just “nice.) And then we went out again.  It became apparent that we were starting date.

And then some red flags hit.  He stopped trying to impress me after date three or four (goes to a clothing issue – again, feel free to call me narcissistic, but I think you should put some effort in impressing a new gal for a bit) and then he pushed for a title. Can you believe it? HE pushed for a title/definition of what we were. Now, I don’t want to stereotype, but I am a firm believe in what will be, will be.  And no one should push it.  And the guy pushed it – which never happens to me. Maybe it happens to other women? If so, please comment, I’d love to read about your experiences.

But long story short, we did eventually put a title on it and it never felt natural to me.  I’ll go into details about him and that situation in further blogs.  Like I said LKD was a super nice dude, but I think I/he/we tried to forcefit something that wasn’t natural. And that never works out. Ever. LIKE NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS.

Have you or a significant other ever tried to forcefit something? Push something that just wasn’t right? If so, please share.  I can always learn.