Tag Archives: Dumped

No More “Filler” Guys

26 Feb

I can’t take credit for this statement. I just read to fantastic articles on EliteDaily:

As I’m dealing with the aftermath of getting over The Recruiter, I’ve done all kinds of reading, watching all kinds of videos, and doing a lot of thinking. Maybe way too much thinking. Way, way, way too  much thinking. I keep questioning if I did something wrong, gave the wrong vibe, maybe the wrong impression. But I don’t think so. I debate calling him, but not sure that’s the best approach either. If he wanted to talk, he knew how to reach me.

I started feeling better last night and this morning, with only a few bouts or twinges of hurt. Then I read these articles I linked to above and felt it was a message I needed to hear. And I feel a bit better. Maybe the Recruiter was just a filler guy. Someone who is taking up my man space. I haven’t had a mother to talk to one-on-one in many years. More than a decade, but I felt that if she were around, she would have something similar. Maybe not in those exact words, but along those lines.

Then I read the second article – and I believe I deserve someone who will give me the world and nothing less.We all deserve it. They’re both good reads, so I think you need to take the time to. 🙂 My two cents…for what it’s worth….

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Cabin Fever AKA I Need to get You Out of My Head

17 Feb

“I’m worried about you. You never take this long to get over a guy,” said one of my closest friends

She said this to me a couple of days ago. She was legitimately worried about me and she’s right. I tend to get over men pretty quickly. I got over the Personal Trainer pretty quickly. So why can’t I get over The Recruiter?

I’ll tell you why. Because he made me feel right. And good. And that he truly cared.  But what he did also was the worst thing a man could do. He took my one biggest fear when it came to men and turned it on me. He stood in my kitchen and asked me about my previous relationships and what hurt me most.

I told him – men that go 60 MPH and then disappear all of the sudden. Then we had a wonderful 24 hours together.  We went to my friend’s play, back to his house to get some of his stuff, ordered pizza, and relaxed at my house. I told him it was nice to fall asleep and wake up next to him. He learned about my family. My closest friends.

And then he left to go have lunch with his friend. And said he would “definitely try to come back.” But he didn’t and when we talked and texted later that day, he seemed off. He seemed weird.

Then he didn’t return my text the next day. I spoke to my friends and re-read all the dating sites. I was reminded that a man wants to chase and if he wanted to reach out, he would. He didn’t. I waited a week and then I reached out. I had to. And he didn’t respond. So I got my closure. Not complete closure, but at least I got an answer.

But I’m so hurt. You did the one thing I asked you not to. You took my heart and then you ran away without any explanation.

DAMN YOU. DAMN YOU. DAMN YOU!

My therapist suggested I journal. And I typically journal this type of stuff, privately. But I felt this needed a more “public” display. You don’t know I blog. I’m sure you don’t even care.

You hurt me. You knew disappearing on me would destroy me and you didn’t care. Not one iota. We had a wonderful 24 hours, had a blast, made out, talked about future dates, slept in, and made breakfast. And then 24 hours later you dipped out and disappeared.

Well, I’ll tell you this. I have great friends – and even in this crazy blizzard (yes, another one), where I would usually be brooding by myself, my friends invited me down to their condo.  We ordered pizza, drank wine, had dessert, and yes talked about you.  I needed to get you out of my system. And guess what? I feel better. I feel I can move on from whatever connection we had…

I wish you all the best in your life. But I wish for something wonderful for mine. And sadly, it won’t include you. I do know that it will include an amazing man that won’t pull a “Houdini” on me ever again.

Trying to Understand

12 May

Since my 20s, my friends have tried to tell e that men say what they mean and act the way they feel, and you don’t have to question anything. It’s pretty simple.  There isn’t any questioning.

Yet, I’m questioning.

The last man I enjoyed going out with was the one document here, and at the time, I questioned if I would hear from him. Well I did. And we had a wonderful second date.  He made dinner plans, bought tickets for a comedy show, held my hand, picked me up early, gave me a kiss goodnight, and said he wanted to see me before I left on my next work trip later that week.

We enjoyed each others’ company and texted saying we wanted to hang out again late that evening and the following morning.

Then why didn’t he ask me out again? Why didn’t he jump on the chance to see me again when I suggested the next date? Why didn’t he follow through with seeing me again when he originally said he wanted to? I don’t get it.  I didn’t push, I didn’t act like a drunken mess. We had a great time and I could see a third date and I thought he did too.

I know it’s not my fault. And I’m sure something just changed with him, but I just don’t understand what happened. Why did I get dumped without any explanation?

I know this is just on my path to finding “the one!”  So I’m putting it out to the universe that I AM  READY TO FIND HIM! Bring my one to me already!

Has this happened to anyone else? Please share your stories!

 

He Never Said “I Love You”

20 Apr

Random post, I know. But as I read BSF’s blog on what was going on in her mind – I started having a side conversation with her about our mutual friends she mentioned in her post. And as happy as I am for them, and as much as I hope BSF finds love again, I randomly blurted out, “well I never heard the words ‘I love you’ before.” Not from a man. Well my daddy – but that does NOT count.  Ewww. And more importantly, never from the Seven Year Man. After telling her this, BSF was in a word – shocked.  And her responses are summed up nicely here:

  • You were together SEVEN YEARS and never??
  • That’s crazy. insane./ wow. I’m blown away

And a few other choice words which I won’t divulge, but you get the drift.

Nope – after seven+ years dating this man on and off, I got nothing. I got the “I care for you and love you as a friend.” But that’s not the same. Not even close to the same. It is weird – standing on the threshold of 32 and never hearing the words almost everyone around has been told countless times by their partner. I stood by that man for so long, gave him my everything, and he never could…not once, give me what I truly needed from him.

That is the one thing, to this day, I hate about him. I really, really, really want to just punch his face in sometimes for putting me through all he did. I did everything for him – when he wanted companionship, someone to take care of him, run errands with him, come to him. I was there. Always. No questions asked.  But me – he could barely visit me when he worked 2 miles away from my apartment and I was sick. He was – very briefly – a selfish fucking bastard. And I’m better off without him. I know that. And time does heal all wounds – I am much stronger now than I ever was when I was with him.

Sometimes, I’m still curious about him once in a great while. And about his girlfriend of three + years (hey – Facebook never lies.) I wonder: how could he not fall in love with me, but fall in love with the person right after me? What does she have that I didn’t?  It makes me go into tailspin thinking about it – and it’s not a healthy place to be.  And thankfully, I only think of him from time to time. And thankfully, I’m at the point in my life, that I could give a rat’s ass about him or what he is doing or how is doing most of the time.

He just sucks. But for better or for worse, he helped shape who I am today.  He made me realize what I do and do not want in a man.  And gratefully, I am a better person for it. For me, he was a bad, bad man, and am very happy he is no longer in my life.

Wow – I feel a bit better, but know there may be more posts about this topic. I didn’t realize how much pent up anger I still had towards this man.

My Goodness, I Was Giddy

7 Mar

Last night, in a word, was epic.  Girls Nights always are – lots of friends, food, and drinks flowing.  I tend to wake up dragging the next day – this morning was no different. Slept in until 9 AM (which is late for me) and here I am, sitting on my couch watching Romeo+Juliet, blogging, and drinking my third cup of coffee.

I know I should be cleaning and working out. But eh – that can wait a few more hours.  It is Sunday after all.

And then I remembered.  Last night, as BSF was telling us about her pretty awesome date with CBE  (WOOOO HOOO!!!!!!! – we’re all pretty psyched to hear about her dates), my mind started to wander. I wish I could tout I had a pretty awesome date recently, but it is has been awhile.  Dinner was great last week, but it is tarnished by TNDB’s actions this week.

Somehow after BSF was finished with her story – I started rambling about how TNDB ranks in the top three of bad men I’ve dated.  There’s the Biggest F-in’ Loser (BFL – the one who crushed me last year), NY Asshole, and TNDB – in that order.  They all seem to make my ex of 7+ years look like a saint.

And then it happened. Our friend said the BFL and his girlfriend broke up recently.  And I was giddy.  GIDDY I TELL YOU.  And it was that evil giddy – the one you feel when you just know he got what he deserved.

I don’t know what happened between the two of them, who broke up with who, or what the circumstances were between the two of them, but I just know he is a bad man. And I don’t wish him complete unhappiness, but maybe just a taste of his own bad man medicine.

Song Saturday: Why Can’t I?

7 Nov

Yes, some people say it is Liz Phair’s sell out song. But I don’t. I like a lot of her songs, I always have, but this one reminds me of “Work Boy.” Yes, let’s take another walk down memory lane.

Let me preface this: I’ve dated – or slept with – two co-workers in the past decade.  Not something I’m proud of, but hey life is full of experiences and this was one of mine.

One of the guys I really liked.  YES REAAAAAAAAAALY LIKED.  And I realized even back then that he had one persona in the office (egotistical jerk!), but quite another one when we dated (sweet, thoughtful, gentlemanly.)  We had a blast together – liked going to the same places, doing the same things. I watched the Pats win the Superbowl at his house with him and his friends.   And then…..

SCREECH!  Yes, that would be the car stopping. Not even in first gear.

He broke my heart.  We went out for two months and then we went to a party on what seemed like a normal Saturday night. Here’s how the evening went down:

  1. He picked me up <insert awwwwwww>
  2. We went out to the bar for a party – I met some of his friends, we had a couple of cocktails, we kissed a little, we held hands (it was so obvious we were together)
  3. And then…dum dum dum: he introduced me to someone as his “friend”  (SCREECH! That was in my head.)
  4. We left together
  5. We went back to his house – he dropped me off at the front door and I walked upstairs, while he parked the car a block away in his parking spot.  (He wanted me to stay warm – it was March ’04 – FREEZING! Very sweet.)
  6. When he finally came upstairs, I asked why he just referred to me as a friend (Here’s my point. I was happy and didn’t want a label. I didn’t want him to put *ANY* title to us – I just didn’t like being referred to as just a friend.  It was obvious we were dating – read point #2 )
  7. He didn’t like that I said something and decided he no longer wanted to date me (yes, just like that!)
  8. I left – he offered to drive me home. ONCE. I declined. I walked out.  IN THE FREEZING COLD!
  9. I walked out of his building which happens to be in a shady neighborhood at 2 AM, in one of the coldest winters in Boston history (good thing I lived in that neighborhood for four years once before so I knew my way around…)
  10. ….but thank god a cabbie picked me up quickly

Later that night/next day:

  1. He didn’t even call or text to see if I got home OK
  2. He then made it known he was over me at the office – I overheard conversations he had right by my cube (he was calculating, I’m sure he planned it.)
  3. He THEN TOLD PEOPLE WE DATED. It was HIS idea not to say anything and then he did – and not just to any co-workers, but to one of my MANAGERS!

He’s now married and I’m still single – where is the justice in that?!??!?!

EGOTISTICAL JERK!  I learned my lesson and I will never date someone I work with – AGAIN! However, this song came out when we were dating and because, at the time, it fit our relationship perfectly, it holds a special place in my heart.   Yes Liz Phair, I still like it and don’t think you are a sell out. However Work Boy, you will always and forever be an egotistical jerk.

Payback is A Dish Best Served Cold

26 Oct

Yeah, yeah, yeah – I know the term is revenge.  BUT, in the my dating world, it is payback.  Before you think anything poorly about me, let me explain. Not sure about everyone else, but for me, after I get passed the sadness (or anger) of a breakup, I always think about payback.  And by that I mean, what if I run into said ex? Which killer outfit will I be wearing? What will I be doing?

COME ON – you know you think that way or at least used to when you were single.  So I always think that I will run into one of my ex’s under the following conditions:

  1. I will have just lost 10 pounds
  2. My hair will be just cut, colored, and styled
  3. Since I lost 10 lbs, I’m wearing a new kick ass, fitting (but not too, too revealing) outfit
  4. I’ll have on my  new favorite Naughty Monkey pumps
  5. I will either be on the phone or meeting my newest hunk at a bar, restaurant, shop around the corner

But knowing me, I’ll run into them under the following conditions:

  1. I will have gained 5 lbs or I’ll be PMSing and full of water weight
  2. My hair will be a mess and up in a baseball cap
  3. I’ll be wearing sweats
  4. And sneakers – with no makeup
  5. I’ll actually be on the phone with my dad arguing about something stupid while at the grocery store.

But it is still good to dream. 🙂