Tag Archives: Friends

Just Because I’m Single…

21 Jul

I have a beef to make…is that the right saying?  If not, here’s what I’m trying to say…I have a problem with married people.  Not that I’m not happy for you. Or your respective husbands or wives. Or children. Or pets. My problem is that you think just because I am single, I have more flexibility than you do.

Newsflash: I am just as busy, if not busier than you.  Here’s why:

  • I have to clean my house. I am not a two-income household. And yes, my house may be smaller than yours, but I have MY OWN and I have to clean it. I have some disposable income, but not enough to pay for a housekeeper.  Which most of you do. The housekeeper, that is. You don’t have to worry about keeping your home clean because some helps you.
  • Similar to above, I have to do my own grocery shopping and cooking. I have no help for that. So sometimes, I spend my Sunday mornings prepping for the rest of the week. I can’t just send my hubby to do it.
  • Did I mention my bills? I have to take the time to pay for them. And guess what, with a home – I have the same amount/number of bills as you.  Mortgage, insurance, water, etc.etc. etc.
  • And God forbid something breaks. I need to research and find people to help fix the big problems in my house – y’know…A/C, plumbing, etc. And guess what? That takes time and money. Must I reiterate this is a one-income, one person household? So it all falls on me.
  • I work very long hours. I work across many different timezones – and oftentimes work 12 hour days. And I can’t use the reason of going home to a family to get the better work/life balance. I still have to commute, clean, cook, and take care of me.  Which all takes time.
  • I date. Yes, just because I’m single, doesn’t mean that I don’t go out. Do you know how exhausting it is to date in your 30s? Especially when you work 12 hour days (see above!)? And it takes more effort than when in your 20s to make yourself look presentable.
  • I have pets just like you. But when I travel – and trust me, I travel more than most – I have to figure out who takes cares of Bella. I don’t have husband to watch over her  when I leave. I have to plan. (And yes, pay for a petsitter.)
  • I commute – and unfortunately, it takes a long time to get to the job that pays me what I need to be paid in order to pay the mortgage, the bills, my food, and my pet sitter for when I travel. Not that you don’t commute as well, but I don’t have that person to lean on, talk to, vent to, etc. when commuting for long periods of time.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think your lives are always perfect. And I appreciate every single one of my friends and feel that being husbands/wives/parents are the greatest gifts you can offer to this world. But I also hope that this feeling could be reciprocated. Just once for the single girl.

Because I’m single, doesn’t mean that I can just always come to you. Sometimes if you came to me, had dinner at my house, or simply understood that I can’t always drop my responsibilities at the drop of a hat just because you want me to, I would feel better.  But to always expect me to drive the 10, 20, 50+ miles to visit you…well, its a hard pill to swallow.

For once, it would be nice if the married people understood that being single still has it’s responsibilities. Just because we’re single, doesn’t mean that we are single-minded.

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What I Want

2 Jun

OK, so recently I’ve talked about the positive aspects of girls weekends and the power of affirmations.  One of my greatest friends (yes, she is part of Girls Weekend) recently reminded me that in order to take the power back in finding my soulmate, I need to write everything down that I want/don’t want in my perfect love. I’ve done it before, so I figured, I need to re-visit/re-write this list. Again, what better place than here to put it out to the world.  So here goes:

What I Want/Deserve/Need:

  1. Someone I’m attracted to – Surfer Dude was perfection! We were attracted to each other on so many levels. It actually started off on an intellectual level (which I think was the best way), then evolved into emotional and physical levels.
  2. Someone who is caring – believes in volunteering and doing good in this world.
  3. Someone who wants to travel, try new restaurants, taking cooking class or golf lessons with me.
  4. Someone who believes in his job. He doesn’t need to make a six-figure salary, but he needs to be able to take care of himself monetarily and enjoy his work (i.e. don’t hate your job. We all have days, but hating your job and complaining about it on a regular basis – no, thank you. No bueno.)
  5. Someone who likes his family and spends time with them.
  6. Someone who has a close circle of friends. Who wants to bring me into that world and vice versa. I.e. I want him to accept my friends and want to become part of my world.
  7. No drama please. Surfer Dude was awesome and amazing in SO MANY WAYS, but he brought the drama. It was toxic. It was hurtful. It was totally unnecessary.
  8. Someone who can just chill – whether it’s laying in bed on a lazy Sunday or sit out on the back deck enjoying a sunset with a glass of wine in hand.
  9. Someone who accepts my somewhat crazy lifestyle.  I am emotionally close with my family, but not physically. It takes planes, trains, and automobiles to see them. I travel for work – and this is just a fact in my world.  But I’d want someone who would like to come with me when/if it is possible/appropriate.
  10. He has to like Ms. Bella.  Well he doesn’t have to love her like I do, but he has to accept we’re a package deal.
  11. He has to appreciate the finer things in life – and appreciate the fact I do as well. But still loves me on down days when I’m in workout gear cleaning the house and running errands.
  12. Someone who isn’t lazy – i.e. can clean up the house/after himself.  Being quiet and lazy is fun sometimes (see point 8), but it cannot be a lifestyle.
  13. Dress nicely – yes, superficial, but it’s needed sometimes in this world. At least I have a couple of suits to wear to weddings and shoes that aren’t just sneakers.
  14. Oh, and if he can cook, that’s a major plus.
  15. Romantic – even if it’s something like holding my hand in my public, giving me little kisses before bed, or something extravagant. I need romance (don’t most women!)
  16. Love me for me.  No one is perfect, but I need someone who can accept me for me.  Warts and all. But also looks for and expects the best out of me.

I’m sure there is more…I just need to think about it. But this is a good and important start! Now UNIVERSE, BRING HIM TO ME!

 

XO,

TiWID

Why Girls Weekends are Important

26 May

I’ve been thinking a lot about why I decided to start my blog up again.  I know I’ve talked about it and I’ve been reflecting a lot on why I used to love writing so much. I write for a living – not in a traditional sense, but I work in the communications field, so I’m constantly writing and editing something. This blog provided me an outlet and a new way to hone my skills. Am I best the writer? Nope. But does this help me express myself? Absolutely.  Do I hope to turn this blog into something bigger? HELL YA! I’m just doing my research.

But I was thinking recently about two things:

  1. There is a song that can fit ANY situation – work, relationships, whatever…
  2. Girls time is SUPER important.

Last weekend, I went on my annual girls trip to the island with three of my friends for Wine Fest.  It’s our fourth year going together and every year, we have a ball. 😉  We drink, we eat, we shop, we just get really silly.  Basically, we put our cares away and always comment how “re-entry” back to the city and real life is tough.  I feel that it’s important we spend this time together since it allows us to just forget about some of our cares and just have a good time together. No muss, no stress, just some time away.  And a lot of laughs. And maybe one of us stumbles along the way. Hey, it happens.

8212441-two-wine-glasses-in-toasting-with-splash

And every year, I see my bartender.

Yes, my bartender.  He is my safe haven from the rest of the world.  We expect just to have fun – and cause a lot of trouble – together. He is part of the reason why re-entry is so tough. Do I expect more than just time together on the island? Nope. We’re on the same page when it comes to that aspect.

So I was thrown for a loop when we’ve texted a little since coming back. Again, it’s been minimal and I don’t expect much beyond a few texts, but it was nice to be wanted and thought of again.

I believe part of the reason why I’m attractive to him is because of my girls. Because when I go there, I am happy, I am having a blast, and I am my best self.  Happiness just exudes from me because of our friendship.  I truly believe that impacts how he sees me.

So why are girls weekends important? You can be yourself with them. You can laugh and be silly. You can be your best self. And that is super attractive.

 

 

 

Does the Three Day Rule Still Exist in Your 30s?

17 Apr

A few nights ago I went out on a date. And for the first time, I really liked the guy after the first date. I mean, I actually texted him once I got home to tell him how much I enjoyed the date. In my book that means I really had fun. He texted, said he wanted to see me again soon, but never set a date. So me being me, started to worry….

The next day, I didn’t hear from him, so I posted the following on Facebook: “Does the three day rule still exist in our 30s?” I had a feeling this would elicit a myriad of responses and it did! I captured them in three buckets: Helpful, Touching, and Comical. I also redacted details and contact information. Basically the consensus is the same –if a person wants to see you, he (or she) will make the effort. And no, the three day rule should not apply. What are your thoughts? Anything my friends missed?

Helpful

  • No rules anymore I’m afraid. However, the good thing is you can call. Bold.
  • Good things come to those who wait; things worthwhile are worth waiting for; if it’s meant to be it will happen…insert any other cliches here!!
  • I met BOY and left 2 days later for vacation for a week. Told him I would call him when I got back – so we didn’t speak until I came home. And I did call him when I got back. AND he cancelled our first real date because he was sick. I have never been happier. Wait or call him. Do what makes you happy and what you want someone to do for you. Loves. Xoxo (Oh should specify – after the 1st cancelled date we went out the following day and were/are inseparable.)
  • Every situation and person is different… I have total faith whatever happens is what is meant to happen.
  • I think if you want to talk to someone, you call them. If someone wants to talk to you, they call you. Simple. Try to relax and not overthink it. “Rules” are silly.What’s all this about phone calls? It’s all about the more personal methods like text, email, or FB these days… (Joking…)
  • No 3-day rule no call, you are still a child. Next!!!! Move on, you deserve much better. If you haven’t called I am wondering why it’s on him to make the call. Just curious.
  • Some days life gets busy and calls get forgotten, or it gets too late in the night, or you’re unsure if they want you to call, etc., etc. so in the end whoever wants to make the call should just make the call and see what happens, for all you know he’s waiting on you to call and wondering the exact same thing.

Touching

  • Based on the fact that I’ve been with the same girl for 20 years means I am completely out of touch and have no game. That said what’s changed since the mid 90’s? Nothing right?
  • I met this girl a long time ago. We hit it off immediately and hung out the entire night. At the end of the night I asked for her number. She said, no, let me get yours. At that point I thought I’d never hear from her again. She called the very next day and we went out on our first date that evening! We were inseparable from then on, and are still together, happily married to this day!
  • In my situation there were ZERO phone calls- we met and the next day he knocked on my door. It will be 16 years next month. It should be easy, effortless almost. That mutual feeling of just wanting to be with each other as much as possible.

Comical

  • Guys will always be guys. 3 day rule always applies. Have to keep em guessing!!
  • What’s the 3 day rule?
  • I was not single in my 30s but I would probably check in to make sure the girl got home alright the next morning. Or I would take her out to breakfast and talk about our future together.
  • Sorry – the 3 day rule exists at every age (I agree it’s dumb!). And HE should call YOU first… or at least call you back. lol!!
  • No, it does not. By the time we are in our 30s, a man is usually mature enough to avoid stupid games.

Interesting comments, right? My friends are actually incredibly intelligent and awesome. And the best, they come from all different walks of life!

OH – you may be wondering if he contacted me. We have our second date on Saturday – dinner and a comedy show. And he didn’t wait the full three days to contact me or ask me out. J Maybe he doesn’t know about the three-day rule himself… Hmmmm…
Stay tuned!

It’s Been a Long Time

16 Jan

Sorry it’s been so long. It hasn’t been for any reason other than the fact I haven’t had much to write.  A couple of men have come in and out of my life and I just haven’t had a lot to write on in that realm.

The good thing is – I’ve been able to focus on me.  Which I realized was the right thing to do. I spent 2011 working on cleaning out my life. Not the bad necessarily, but working on the things that no longer “worked for me.” I’m a different person than I was a year, two years, five years ago. I’ve changed in my 30s and realized new things about me and I’m comfortable with who I am. Finally!

I don’t make resolutions every year – I just try and better myself. Which is what I’ve been doing the past couple of weeks – cleaning out my closets, hanging out with my girls, planning my trips this year, and working on just being happy even if I’m alone on my couch watching bad TV.

Do you make resolutions? Are you comfortable with who you are? I hope so – because we all need to be comfortable and happy in our skin.

And yes, I do believe that if I’m super comfortable with me, the rest will fall into place.  2012 will be my year!

Is It Always Black & White?

27 Oct

Or are there shades of gray when dating?

OK, friends, I have a little story to share. One I’m not happy about and one I’m working through. About a month ago, I met someone online. He’s not from here, but is moving here for his job and will be in the same city as me in less than a month. For the past three or four weeks, we’ve emailed, we’ve talked, we texted. We got to know one another pretty damn well. And when he found out when he was coming up here to apartment-hunt, he made it known he wanted to see me.  Take me out, have dinner and drinks.

Well, that week is this week. As of this weekend, we had planned to meet on Wednesday night (last night) – place TBD once he figured out his hotel situation.  Calm down – it was so we could pick a spot close to his hotel so he could get there easily by public transport. Last time we spoke was way into the wee hours of Sunday morning.  And then we texted later that afternoon.

That was when I last heard from him.We didn’t argue, we didn’t have a disagreement – it was just the last time I heard from him. His flight was due in two nights ago and I texted him welcoming him here.  No response.

My heart sunk. And I cried myself to sleep, with Bella beside me. And I prayed that if I didn’t hear from him, that I’d gain strength to move on, quickly. May sound dramatic when you think I  never met the guy in person. But we clicked and for some reason I felt a great connection/pull towards him.  And he did too – he verbalized it more than me.

I woke up that next morning – hopeful I missed a text or a call in the middle of the night. And when I didn’t, when I realized he didn’t even have the decency to text back a simple “thanks”, I realized I never would hear from him again.

My friends, although they think I am right to move on, think I should still be hopeful. One said its not black and white. If I do hear from him, I should meet up with him and see where it goes.  Maybe he is overwhelmed with the move (I would be), maybe he met someone else, but in the end, he owes nothing to me.  At most, maybe some courtesy to tell me after these weeks of him saying how much he wanted to see me, that he no longer did. But that is still a gray area. Maybe I will hear from him while he’s in town later this week. Maybe I’ll hear from him again when he moves here permanently.  Like my friend said, its not black and white.

As I look out at the grayness outside my window, I realize she’s right. There is no black and white with dating – there are all shades of gray. Who knows what happened? What he got involved in this week? Maybe he got spooked? Maybe he found someone else? Unless I talk with him, I’ll never know.

And while my peeps think that there is hope and I’ll hear from him soon, I have to trust my gut even when it hurts and realize, sometimes these questions may be left unanswered and will forever lie around in several shades of gray.

Is Texting The New Way to “Mark Your Territory”?

21 Sep

Well, it is no surprise that I’m an online dater.  I admit – I’ve tried several sites and some I like, some I don’t.  And most of the time, I have fun on them.  It’s a new way to meet people.  I love going to networking and charity events, but this provides a new avenue for me, which I like.

With that long intro, let’s get into today’s subject. I recently started chatting with two guys and both asked me for my phone number.  I was interested in both and thought “why not?” Can it hurt? Nope.

Let’s talk about the first guy, the “nice guy.”  The one who read my profile and asked questions about me based on it.  Very nice. Asked if I wanted to meet for drinks the following week. I said sure and here’s my number.  Well he called me.  Three days later and it was late on a Sunday night, so I didn’t pick up (I also happened to be in a heated debate with a family member at the time.) So I called him the next day – within 24 hours and left a nice voicemail. B/c my friend and I already dubbed him the “nice guy”, I decided to text him a couple of hours later.  And then it began. Tons of texting back and forth.  When I finally said, “let’s talk tomorrow” – and he agreed.

What did he then do the next day? Texted.  And after some back and forth, I just wrote, “call me when you have a moment and we can figure out drinks this week.”  This was on a Tuesday. He called. But said he was booked up for the rest of the week (ummm, remember, you asked me out first), but that he would call or text to figure something out for the next week.

Fast forward five more days and I get a text. That’s it… If you can’t ask me out like a gentleman AND you wait five days to contace me when you didn’t follow through the first time, apparently dating isn’t a high priority for you. And that’s fine. But it’s not for me. I’m putting myself out there- and I want someone to do the same for me. Done and done.

Let’s go to the next guy, the one we rightfully or wrongfully dubbed “the player” – which came about because of what he wrote in his profile and the pictures he posted.  Fine, we (I) judged.  It’s OK, you can judge me for me judging.  I’ve dealt with worse.

But back to the player.  The one who ONLY texts. The one who says he’ll call and what does he do? Yup. Texts.  Last week, after he told me he’d call, he waited two days to contact me again and sent me a smiley face.  I talked to a few of my friends about the situation and they all came up with the same question I had: “How the hell do you respond to a smiley face?” The answer? You don’t. I ignored. Again, he texted me this week.  This time, asking me how my week was going.

When my friend and I chatted about she responded with the following – I kid you not:

“texting is like the new “marking terrotory” thing.  like they have to pee all over the place”

And you know what? She’s right. I bet I’m not the only one he’s been texting this to, and I wonder what kind of response, if any, he’s expecting from me. Why now?  How many other women is he marking his territory with? Is it even worth responding? I don’t know.

Now before you think I’m so frigid person stuck in the dark ages, let me explain. I think technology is  great – I have multiple computers, smartphone, etc. And texting does have its place.  It does make sense to communicate with folks this way – once you have a set relationship in place.  My perference is to send a quick one letting a friend know I’m thinking of them, running late for drinks, or to try and set up a phone date.  Maybe I am old fashioned a bit when it comes to dating, but I do feel I should be asked out like how my dad asked my mom out – via phone.  Though in this decade, it can be on my smartphone. 🙂