Tag Archives: Life

Just Because I’m Single…

21 Jul

I have a beef to make…is that the right saying?  If not, here’s what I’m trying to say…I have a problem with married people.  Not that I’m not happy for you. Or your respective husbands or wives. Or children. Or pets. My problem is that you think just because I am single, I have more flexibility than you do.

Newsflash: I am just as busy, if not busier than you.  Here’s why:

  • I have to clean my house. I am not a two-income household. And yes, my house may be smaller than yours, but I have MY OWN and I have to clean it. I have some disposable income, but not enough to pay for a housekeeper.  Which most of you do. The housekeeper, that is. You don’t have to worry about keeping your home clean because some helps you.
  • Similar to above, I have to do my own grocery shopping and cooking. I have no help for that. So sometimes, I spend my Sunday mornings prepping for the rest of the week. I can’t just send my hubby to do it.
  • Did I mention my bills? I have to take the time to pay for them. And guess what, with a home – I have the same amount/number of bills as you.  Mortgage, insurance, water, etc.etc. etc.
  • And God forbid something breaks. I need to research and find people to help fix the big problems in my house – y’know…A/C, plumbing, etc. And guess what? That takes time and money. Must I reiterate this is a one-income, one person household? So it all falls on me.
  • I work very long hours. I work across many different timezones – and oftentimes work 12 hour days. And I can’t use the reason of going home to a family to get the better work/life balance. I still have to commute, clean, cook, and take care of me.  Which all takes time.
  • I date. Yes, just because I’m single, doesn’t mean that I don’t go out. Do you know how exhausting it is to date in your 30s? Especially when you work 12 hour days (see above!)? And it takes more effort than when in your 20s to make yourself look presentable.
  • I have pets just like you. But when I travel – and trust me, I travel more than most – I have to figure out who takes cares of Bella. I don’t have husband to watch over her  when I leave. I have to plan. (And yes, pay for a petsitter.)
  • I commute – and unfortunately, it takes a long time to get to the job that pays me what I need to be paid in order to pay the mortgage, the bills, my food, and my pet sitter for when I travel. Not that you don’t commute as well, but I don’t have that person to lean on, talk to, vent to, etc. when commuting for long periods of time.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think your lives are always perfect. And I appreciate every single one of my friends and feel that being husbands/wives/parents are the greatest gifts you can offer to this world. But I also hope that this feeling could be reciprocated. Just once for the single girl.

Because I’m single, doesn’t mean that I can just always come to you. Sometimes if you came to me, had dinner at my house, or simply understood that I can’t always drop my responsibilities at the drop of a hat just because you want me to, I would feel better.  But to always expect me to drive the 10, 20, 50+ miles to visit you…well, its a hard pill to swallow.

For once, it would be nice if the married people understood that being single still has it’s responsibilities. Just because we’re single, doesn’t mean that we are single-minded.

A Song for Every Situation

31 May

I have Song Saturday always on my brain.  Why? I said it in my last post, I feel that there can be a song that captures every situation we’re in perfectly.  It can be fun, it can be sad, it can anything.

Every time I turn on my iPod, every song reminds me of a situation. Every one brings back a memory. Or it can invoke a feeling of something I want.  For instance, whenever I hear Zedd, I think of Surfer Dude, but whenever I hear Michael Buble’s song “Save the Last Dance“, I know some man is thinking of me when it comes to me. Or whenever I hear “Home“, I always think of the ones I’ve lost (actually, I specifically think of a friend I haven’t spoken to in years – someone who was my best friend, but treated me poorly.  I miss him, but I hope he learned something from our doomed friendship.)

Then there are the happy songs.  The ones that make you want to get up dance, go for a killer workout, or have a girls night out.  Basically, the ones that help you get into your groove. Hold on to those, hold on to them tightly. They are the ones that help you get through the tough times.  And make the better times even more awesome!

 

Introduction: Low Key Dude

15 Apr

OK, OK, so anyone who knows me in real life, knows I am anything BUT low key most of the time. The words “calm”, “carefree”, and “low key” are not descriptors of me.  Which is why I think I was so attracted and interested in Low Key Dude.  It is also no surprise to anyone who knows me that, I date men online.  Which is where I met Low Key Dude (LKD for short, K!)

So I met him on eHarmomy a little more than a year ago. He texted, he called, he actually asked me out. Gasp – via a call and not a text (to understand my feelings on texting, read here!) He called me that night – grant it, I was already on my way to meet him – to confirm our date. He waited for me outside the restaurant.  We ordered a few apps. We talked for a couple of hours (which is how I handle most dates.)

And when it was all said and done, I came to one conclusion, he was an overall nice guy. No complaints. And I decided if he asked, I would go out with him again.

He did…and I did.  And we had fun. I can’t exactly remember what we did (which should probably indicate one or two things), but we had a nice time (note just “nice.) And then we went out again.  It became apparent that we were starting date.

And then some red flags hit.  He stopped trying to impress me after date three or four (goes to a clothing issue – again, feel free to call me narcissistic, but I think you should put some effort in impressing a new gal for a bit) and then he pushed for a title. Can you believe it? HE pushed for a title/definition of what we were. Now, I don’t want to stereotype, but I am a firm believe in what will be, will be.  And no one should push it.  And the guy pushed it – which never happens to me. Maybe it happens to other women? If so, please comment, I’d love to read about your experiences.

But long story short, we did eventually put a title on it and it never felt natural to me.  I’ll go into details about him and that situation in further blogs.  Like I said LKD was a super nice dude, but I think I/he/we tried to forcefit something that wasn’t natural. And that never works out. Ever. LIKE NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS.

Have you or a significant other ever tried to forcefit something? Push something that just wasn’t right? If so, please share.  I can always learn.

It’s Been a Long Time

16 Jan

Sorry it’s been so long. It hasn’t been for any reason other than the fact I haven’t had much to write.  A couple of men have come in and out of my life and I just haven’t had a lot to write on in that realm.

The good thing is – I’ve been able to focus on me.  Which I realized was the right thing to do. I spent 2011 working on cleaning out my life. Not the bad necessarily, but working on the things that no longer “worked for me.” I’m a different person than I was a year, two years, five years ago. I’ve changed in my 30s and realized new things about me and I’m comfortable with who I am. Finally!

I don’t make resolutions every year – I just try and better myself. Which is what I’ve been doing the past couple of weeks – cleaning out my closets, hanging out with my girls, planning my trips this year, and working on just being happy even if I’m alone on my couch watching bad TV.

Do you make resolutions? Are you comfortable with who you are? I hope so – because we all need to be comfortable and happy in our skin.

And yes, I do believe that if I’m super comfortable with me, the rest will fall into place.  2012 will be my year!

Your Sense of Self

16 Feb

So I need to get this off my chest.  Or at least write it down publicly so I can always look back on it and remember how important this next statement is.  I was chatting with a friend yesterday – commisserating about our current situations.  She is in a committed relationship, but looking to make a career change. I am happy in my position, but looking to be in a committed relationship. Kinda, funny right?  Well, here’s the kicker. As we spoke, we talked about when things get us down, we need to get up, figure out what is messed up, and make a change.

Well that made me think – I do that. All the time. When things have me down, I tend to look at the situation and figure out a way to make it better. Or different. Or something that it isn’t. So we talked about all of the things we have each been trying to do in the recent past to make us feel better or at the very least, making the right steps in the direction we want to be in.  And as part of this discussion/journey, she made a statement that resonated with me. BIG TIME! B/c it was something I have been feeling, but couldn’t quite express. And she did it one sentence:

“Your sense of self is automatically offset by a lack of other half.”

Which is awful if you think about it, but it is totally true.  I have a job I like, with co-workers who I enjoy sitting with daily. I have my lovely little condo, with my furball to come home to every night.  A bunch of friends to spend nights and weekends with and an organization I love working with in my free time. And a supportive, crazy family who I can call on at any time.

Why isn’t that enough? That should make me feel “whole” – and for some reason I’ve been thinking subconsciously that it isn’t, b/c I haven’t found my better half. Yet. 

She also said I need to visualize myself as being whole, because, really, I AM!  This isn’t some women’s lib garb I’m just spewing to make myself feel better, but honest-to-god, truth. And something I need to remember on a daily, hourly, or even by the minute basis.

To my friend, thanks for all of your sage counsel.

Why I Have a Crush on Ben Stein

29 Dec

Do you know Ben Stein? You don’t think so? Of course, you do…

Remember this line?

Beuller….Beuller…

Yup, that’s Ben Stein. But now he’s not that obnoxious teacher who doesn’t get that Ferris skipped school that day. Today, among other things, he provides brilliant commentary on CBS’ Sunday Morning. Don’t judge me because I wake up every Sunday morning to make my own version of coffee and brunch to watch this show. Don’t judge me b/c I love it. And you can’t judge me b/c I loved what Ben Stein discussed on the last episode.

He talked about giving ourselves the greatest holiday present ever – forgiveness. I know in my last post I mentioned how difficult that would be – and I still believe it. Sometimes I can’t even fathom how to forgive people.  I won’t drone on about 2010 – I’ve done enough of that. But I guess I should listen to Ben Stein’s words and forgive people.  Not for any other reason other than it is what I deserve.  

So I guess this is it – this is me trying to forgive the people who turned their backs on me, weren’t there for me, and never made good on their promises. I can’t forget what  happened, and our friendships will never be the same, but I forgive. And with that I am moving on. 2011 will be better – because, well it has to be.

And in case you are calling me an old fogey for watching Sunday Morning, I think you should watch Ben Stein’s piece. It may just make you feel a bit better too.

Happy New Year y’all!

A Christmas Wish…

23 Dec

So, I stole this from a friend’s update the other day and for some reason I can’t stop thinking about it:

To your enemy, forgiveness.
To an opponent, tolerance.
To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, service.
…To all, charity.
To every child, a good example.
To yourself, respect.
~ Oren Arnold

It’s a beautiful sentiment. It is. But as I look back on 2010 and what I’ve been through, I don’t know if I can act on some of the things listed. I didn’t think it could top how difficult 2009 was, but in many respects, 2010 was more overwhelming and hurtful than I can ever express.  How do you forgive people who turned their backs on you when you needed them the most? Who weren’t honest with you? Who spoke ill of you?

And when these people make you doubt yourself, how do you look at yourself in the mirror and move on?

Well, it was a tough and windy road and while forgiveness is difficult, being able to forget is nearly impossible, moving forward and gaining self respect is imperative.  And no matter how many friends and loved ones I surround myself with, the one lesson I was reminded of this year is that the only person you can really depend on, is yourself.  Difficult lesson to remember, but unfortunately, very true.

However, above all else, I believe I am a strong person and I have this uncanny ability to move on and find a better life.  I am finally at peace with where some things are in my life and I have the hope that 2011 will bring me – and everyone else – greater peace and love than we could ever imagine.

Really – what better Xmas wish can anyone ask for?