Tag Archives: Me

Just Because I’m Single…

21 Jul

I have a beef to make…is that the right saying?  If not, here’s what I’m trying to say…I have a problem with married people.  Not that I’m not happy for you. Or your respective husbands or wives. Or children. Or pets. My problem is that you think just because I am single, I have more flexibility than you do.

Newsflash: I am just as busy, if not busier than you.  Here’s why:

  • I have to clean my house. I am not a two-income household. And yes, my house may be smaller than yours, but I have MY OWN and I have to clean it. I have some disposable income, but not enough to pay for a housekeeper.  Which most of you do. The housekeeper, that is. You don’t have to worry about keeping your home clean because some helps you.
  • Similar to above, I have to do my own grocery shopping and cooking. I have no help for that. So sometimes, I spend my Sunday mornings prepping for the rest of the week. I can’t just send my hubby to do it.
  • Did I mention my bills? I have to take the time to pay for them. And guess what, with a home – I have the same amount/number of bills as you.  Mortgage, insurance, water, etc.etc. etc.
  • And God forbid something breaks. I need to research and find people to help fix the big problems in my house – y’know…A/C, plumbing, etc. And guess what? That takes time and money. Must I reiterate this is a one-income, one person household? So it all falls on me.
  • I work very long hours. I work across many different timezones – and oftentimes work 12 hour days. And I can’t use the reason of going home to a family to get the better work/life balance. I still have to commute, clean, cook, and take care of me.  Which all takes time.
  • I date. Yes, just because I’m single, doesn’t mean that I don’t go out. Do you know how exhausting it is to date in your 30s? Especially when you work 12 hour days (see above!)? And it takes more effort than when in your 20s to make yourself look presentable.
  • I have pets just like you. But when I travel – and trust me, I travel more than most – I have to figure out who takes cares of Bella. I don’t have husband to watch over her  when I leave. I have to plan. (And yes, pay for a petsitter.)
  • I commute – and unfortunately, it takes a long time to get to the job that pays me what I need to be paid in order to pay the mortgage, the bills, my food, and my pet sitter for when I travel. Not that you don’t commute as well, but I don’t have that person to lean on, talk to, vent to, etc. when commuting for long periods of time.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think your lives are always perfect. And I appreciate every single one of my friends and feel that being husbands/wives/parents are the greatest gifts you can offer to this world. But I also hope that this feeling could be reciprocated. Just once for the single girl.

Because I’m single, doesn’t mean that I can just always come to you. Sometimes if you came to me, had dinner at my house, or simply understood that I can’t always drop my responsibilities at the drop of a hat just because you want me to, I would feel better.  But to always expect me to drive the 10, 20, 50+ miles to visit you…well, its a hard pill to swallow.

For once, it would be nice if the married people understood that being single still has it’s responsibilities. Just because we’re single, doesn’t mean that we are single-minded.

Introduction: Low Key Dude

15 Apr

OK, OK, so anyone who knows me in real life, knows I am anything BUT low key most of the time. The words “calm”, “carefree”, and “low key” are not descriptors of me.  Which is why I think I was so attracted and interested in Low Key Dude.  It is also no surprise to anyone who knows me that, I date men online.  Which is where I met Low Key Dude (LKD for short, K!)

So I met him on eHarmomy a little more than a year ago. He texted, he called, he actually asked me out. Gasp – via a call and not a text (to understand my feelings on texting, read here!) He called me that night – grant it, I was already on my way to meet him – to confirm our date. He waited for me outside the restaurant.  We ordered a few apps. We talked for a couple of hours (which is how I handle most dates.)

And when it was all said and done, I came to one conclusion, he was an overall nice guy. No complaints. And I decided if he asked, I would go out with him again.

He did…and I did.  And we had fun. I can’t exactly remember what we did (which should probably indicate one or two things), but we had a nice time (note just “nice.) And then we went out again.  It became apparent that we were starting date.

And then some red flags hit.  He stopped trying to impress me after date three or four (goes to a clothing issue – again, feel free to call me narcissistic, but I think you should put some effort in impressing a new gal for a bit) and then he pushed for a title. Can you believe it? HE pushed for a title/definition of what we were. Now, I don’t want to stereotype, but I am a firm believe in what will be, will be.  And no one should push it.  And the guy pushed it – which never happens to me. Maybe it happens to other women? If so, please comment, I’d love to read about your experiences.

But long story short, we did eventually put a title on it and it never felt natural to me.  I’ll go into details about him and that situation in further blogs.  Like I said LKD was a super nice dude, but I think I/he/we tried to forcefit something that wasn’t natural. And that never works out. Ever. LIKE NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS.

Have you or a significant other ever tried to forcefit something? Push something that just wasn’t right? If so, please share.  I can always learn.

Getting Back into “The Game”

8 Apr

Well folks, has it been two years since I last posted?  TWO YEARS?  Insanity, but a necessity.  A lot has happened since then – friends got married, friends had babies, folks moved, and I, well…I stayed the same. Mostly.

I have to admit, the last two years were interesting.  In many respects. I traveled a bit more, started a job I love (and this is the first time in many years where I can say I am challenged daily and like it!), and found my happiness. With me. I stopped looking for people and events to make me happy and instead, just followed what made me happy.

Last year I dated someone seriously. Fell for someone seriously. And they were two different people. 😉 One broke my heart, one just faded away. You wouldn’t believe which one was which. I also got curious and looked up old boyfriends, to find…well, nothing. And I guess that is the universe trying to tell me something.

So where does that leave me? I grapple back and forth with whether or not a lot has changed. In many respects, life stayed the same and in many others, life completely turned topsy turvy. Biggest thing – I came to peace with me. With who I am. With my faults AND my charms (oftentimes I forgot I had any.) And I embraced them. I date, I work, I travel more, I cook more, created a small garden on my deck in the summer, I read a larger variety of books, and I relax as much as I can. I guess you can say I’m in the same place I was two years ago…only happier. More content. More at peace.

With all of this, comes a new found outlook on this blog. Still rants, still a little bit of a raving lunatic, but a more complete “me.” I need to do some updating, I need to look at my blog roll. I need talk about my happiness more. Because in the end, that is what I found. In me. In my friends. In my past, my present, and as I look toward my future. Hope you’ll join me from time to time during this roller coaster, I call my life.

at-peace-rocks

It’s Been a Long Time

16 Jan

Sorry it’s been so long. It hasn’t been for any reason other than the fact I haven’t had much to write.  A couple of men have come in and out of my life and I just haven’t had a lot to write on in that realm.

The good thing is – I’ve been able to focus on me.  Which I realized was the right thing to do. I spent 2011 working on cleaning out my life. Not the bad necessarily, but working on the things that no longer “worked for me.” I’m a different person than I was a year, two years, five years ago. I’ve changed in my 30s and realized new things about me and I’m comfortable with who I am. Finally!

I don’t make resolutions every year – I just try and better myself. Which is what I’ve been doing the past couple of weeks – cleaning out my closets, hanging out with my girls, planning my trips this year, and working on just being happy even if I’m alone on my couch watching bad TV.

Do you make resolutions? Are you comfortable with who you are? I hope so – because we all need to be comfortable and happy in our skin.

And yes, I do believe that if I’m super comfortable with me, the rest will fall into place.  2012 will be my year!

Sometimes It’s Not You

28 Sep

I am being totally unoriginal with this title, but I’m going to give credit where credit is due.  I just read a fabulous piece on The New York Times Fashion & Style section.

Penned last week by Sara Eckel, the article focused on a dilemma she faced when first dating her now husband. The dilemma started when he asked her long it had been since her last relationship.  The horror of a question when you start counting the length in months and years.   Like many women who faced weeks,  months, or even years without a serious commitment, this can be viewed by some as a downfall or a black mark on you.  A big old “A” on your chest, except instead of A for adulter, it could be “L” for long time since boyfriend.

Like Sara, I’ve spent some many hours pondering what is wrong with me, analyzing the length of my hair, buying candles, filling my calendar with events to fulfill me, and bitching to my girlfriends about not having a relationship. I’ve spent countless hours working on ways to improve and educate myself (though I hope that even when I find my match, I’ll continue to do so). And like her, I agree, not many married women would want to trade places with me being a single gal with a ton of freedom and a calendar waiting to be filled. But you know, that’s OK.  Right now, this is my life and I should embrace the opportunities ahead of me.

As I read her article, so much resonated with me. I could relate to so many things she said or felt.  And I have to admit, as I looked back at my own reinvention, I realized that most times I am OK with my life and I’m just looking for someone who wants me for me. Good, bad, ugly, bitchy, and annoying me.  Not the me I feel I should become.

Hopefully my path takes me in a similar direction as Sara’s.  I want to find someone who doesn’t look at me as a problem to solve or a puzzle to put together.  But someone who looks at the men who could easily cast me aside as “idiots” and that he’s the lucky that found me. Rants, raves, and all.

Now, if only that could happen sooner rather than later!

Is It OK to be Sad?

14 Sep

Most times, I am a happy person. My friends turn to me to be the jovial one, the person that makes the party a little bit more memorable in some possible way.

Am I overexaggerating? Being a little too cocky?

No, they’ve told me. And they remind me of such when I’m not my usual self (and yes, that happened a couple of times last night).  Why am I sad? Well, let’s discuss….

  • I’m sad over 9/11. I know, I know. Everyone is.  It’s so much more than just a blemish on our history. It’s a big, black, thunderstorm that likes to rain on our parade every year. While I KNOW others went through a helluva lot more than me, my sign is Cancer (aka very sensitive) and everything bothers me a little more than I should. Plus my mind is a steel trap and I remember everything from that time period. I remember where I was sitting when we first head the news.  I remember running to the TV in my office. I remember calling my mom. Trying to find my friend who was in the second tower that was struck. I remember calling our other friend, frantic, panicking, trying to find her. We found her. Safe and sound. Well not sound, but at least safe and now she has a beautful family far away from NYC.  I remember going down to the Pentagon about a week later to work. I remember seeing that big, black, gaping hole.  That one thing that reminded me, “yes, this happened. Yes, you witnessed history. Yes, this may be your generation’s JFK moment”, but you need to become stronger from it.
  • I’m sad because I miss my mother more during these times. More than I do on a daily basis. More than I can express. I cry every day I think of her this much and it hurts. It hurts me to the core and I just sit here and cry.
  • I’m sad because this year hasn’t been everything I hoped it would turn into. I had so many dreams and ambitions and projects I was working on. And for some reason or another, I lost the drive. I lost the will to move forward. I’ve tried and tried and for some reason I lost the young enthusiasm I once had.  And it makes me feel old. And I know I’m not old, I have so many years ahead of me. But when I can’t keep up with myself, I feel that way.
  • I’m sad because although I’m happy with my job and appreciate the friends that have stuck by me. And those who have either come in or re-entered my life. But I’m missing that one last piece. That one little piece of my life that hasn’t fallen into place yet. I’m happy for everyone who has found that person, but I have to ask “when will it be my turn?” I’ve meet a ton of guys and for one reason or another, it doesn’t fall into place.  I don’t fall into his life and vice versa. I try to stay positive, but sometimes, with all this extra weight on my shoulders, it’s tough. And the latest guys have fallen short. Very, very short of any expectations I had. Which were little.

Well, enough of this pity party. If you have any ideas on how to cheer me up, I’m ALLLLL ears.  PLEASE SHARE!

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!

11 Jul

So I’ve realized over the course of the last couple of weeks how extremely lucky I am.  Over the last year, I’ve had my ups and my downs. And like the Negative Nancy I’ve been in the past, I focused on the downs. On how people weren’t there for me, how they talked behind my back, and how I let that get to me. Which is the thing that infuriates me the most, I let it affect me.  Which just makes  me cringe.

Until now.

Until I realized that the negative stuff shouldn’t change who I am or how I feel about myself.  Dammit, I stopped letting others change my mood – negatively. And you should too – if that does bother you. So I looked at the good in my life. I looked at the success I’m having at my job; the trips I’ve taken – Nantucket (wine, wine, and more wine with some great gal pals), Miami (you need some dad time), and this week to LA LA Land (a little ACS Relay time with T-Dawg); BFF’s visit; and most recently, my bday week.

Yes, my friends, I turned 25 (yes, again – hush up and let me live this dream in my mind.) It was truly unexpected and for the first time in a really long time, I realized I mattered to people. Really, people cared enough to take me out to dinner, post all over my Facebook wall, send me well wishes over Twitter, sent me cards; a few gifts; and have a big ol’ party with us.   Plus I came into the office to these lovely gifts on my desk….I mean what else can a girl ask for?