Working on My Creative Side (Or the Second Best $80 I Ever Spent…)

OK, I admit it.  I try to find new and different ways to channel my energy.  One way is through yoga. One way is through meditation.  One is through the volunteer work I do. Another is this blog (which I was told I need to get back into writing on more often.) One way I channel my energy is with my psychic.  YES, MY PSYCHIC or if you remember, the best $80 I ever spent.

As I mentioned in my previous post, BFF and I had a FABULOUS weekend together.  We had a blast. We did. We ate, we drank, walked along the beach, sat by the pool, went to the Islands, got a mani/pedi, and yes, went to my psychic.

He really is amazing. He doesn’t just talk about the future. But he reflects on your past, discusses challenges in your present, but ends on opportunities for your future.

He said several things that really resonated on, including:

• I need to talk to my mother more. (I know this and I need to turn to her more.)
• I need to find more “me” time and balance my life (again, DUH! But in my defense, I am soooo much better than I was in the recent past.)
• I need to be more creative again and starting for me again.

Hmmmm….more creative. I guess it could be this blog. Or I guess it could be that screenplay T-Dawg wants me to write, or it could be taking that meditation class I read about the education center. Or I guess it could be none of the above or all of the above.

So I’m making some vows that I plan to stick to.

1. I will start writing on this blog at least 2-3 times a week again. (again DUH!)
2. I will continue to monitor for that screenwriting class – nothing has popped yet. But when one does, I will hop on it. And get the proper books/materials to do so.
3. I will continue investigating meditation practices and chakras. I was introduced to this last year during the Jimmy Fund Walk.
4. I will try at least one new recipe a month.

And yep, I think that about wraps up my creative side and how I can enhance it. Or maybe it doesn’t.  What do you think? How can I work on my creative side? Insight is appreciated!

(And yes, we did discuss my future love life – more on that on another post. Remember, I’m being creative these days!)

Life – Reason, Season, or Lifetime?

One of my new favorite poems:

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realise is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .
Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount
of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
– Author unknown

Why is it my favorite poem? Because it pretty much sums up life and friendships in a nice, neat, little bow.  I haven’t been updating this recently and I know it. But it’s because I’m figuring out who are my reason, season, and life friends.  It’s been tough because I am fiercely loyal to those I’m close to. And when sometimes people don’t live up to my expectations or they become pre-occupied with their lives, I just have to realize that sometimes friendships and relationships are supposed to come and go as you need them.

I’m very lucky though.

Because I’m finding my way of who I am in my 30s.  Because I’m realizing that some of my friends from my teens and twenties were phenomenal at the time, but maybe we have just grown apart. Because I’m still figuring out what I want and what makes me happy. And as part of this journey – my eyes are now opened to phenomenal people. People who accept me for me and accept that maybe now I’m a bit guarded than what I once was and that maybe I’m a bit more introverted, but who don’t question it.

If I’ve lost touch with you or we have stopped being friends for something, trust me, you have been in my thoughts non-stop. Even if I haven’t been in your’s.  But maybe our friendship was there for a reason or we were only meant to be in each other’s lives for a finite amount of time.   Whatever the reason, I am in a better place because I knew you. All of you.  No matter how or if our friendship ended.

XOXO

It’s All About the ‘Tude

OK, let’s be honest, I can be a bitch. I can be annoying. I can be grating on people’s nerves and needy.

But I can also be a really nice person and a good friend. And after many years on focusing on the negative, I am working more on focusing on the positive.

Like many people, a lot of crappy things have happened to me in my life. Deaths, layoff, loss of friends, but none of that – and I truly mean none of that should make you a negative person with a bad outlook on life. It’s just not fair. To you and to those close to you.

I was talking with my friend earlier this week and I started telling her that I am re-listening to learnings of The Secret. And what I’ve realized is, in order to be happy, you should actually try and look at the positive and attract happiness into your life.  Let me break it down for you.

The Secret focuses on how to best attract the things you want in life.  A new job, the love of your life, money, a new puppy -whatever.  You can attract and bring into your life the things you want. No, you can’t just wish it into your life, but by visualizing what you want and feeling how you’ll feel when you have it, you’ll enact certain actions that will bring those things to your life.  As I looked back on my life, that is so true.

Case in point. My condo. I remember when I first decided to put in an offer and the P&S was finally being signed, my real estate agent turned to me and said “Just look, this is where you’re going to come home to every night and look at that view.”  And I got my condo. Not solely because I wished for it, but because it wasn’t an effort or a problem to do things to make it work. I wanted it so badly and visualized it so much, that not only did the universe move things into action which allowed me to buy it (including having the old owners acquiese on an outrageous price), but I pushed for certain things to happen in order for me to buy it.

Same with jobs. When I wanted them bad enough, I put in my energy to research and put on a better face and had a better attitude. Usually those were the job offers that came in instantaneously.

So where am I changing my attitude these days? In almost every facet of my life. I’ve spent so many years sad and hurt by the events and others in my life, that I forgot to enjoy my life and just be happy. Simple and happy. I am going to enjoy the weekends more – whether I’m out and about with friends or chilling with the Bellmeister. I am going to enjoy  my trips to Nantucket, Miami, and LA, no matter what the cost.  The love of my life will appear sooner rather than later.

No doubt things will arise that will distract me or hurt me or make me angry. But the best thing I can do is quickly change my ‘tude and try and turn it around to a positive experience.  I owe it to myself.

Just Call Me “Ms. Goodwrench”

So, recently I’ve been called out for not blogging. At all. I know, I suck.  This used to be my oasis, the place I would run to when I needed to vent or have some sort of outlet. And it still is. But life has been…well, basically I can only describe it as “I can’t even keep up with my life.”

Work has been crazy, busy – in a good way. I started doing more work on the side for a group I volunteer with – loving it. And I’m planning for the summer – both trips I’m taking and figuring out schedules for when others are visiting me.

Fun times. But it doesn’t leave a lot for blogging.

And it’s not like I don’t have topics to write about. Daily, I’m involved in conversations or witness situations that are totally blog-worthy, so I’m trying to figure out what to discuss. Especially since my current love life is…well…lacking. But it is, what it is. And to be honest, I’m still comfortable with  where I am in my life.

Here’s where it gets tricky. While I still want someone else to do the driving, I’m realizing there are some good things to being single.  You can do what you want, when you want (well sorta, work dictates a lot during the week); I can hang out with my friends when I want; can call my fam when I want; pick up my cheesy Sweet Valley High Confidential book (yes, judge, its OK); or just chill whenever I want.

So that’s all the good.  BUT here’s where it gets tricky. YOU  HAVE TO DO IT ALL.  I mean, take today for instance. I drove to the next state south of me to go to a friend’s son’s bday party. Tons and tons and tons of kiddos all around me.  A little overwhelming for this single gal who is an only child. And as much fun as I had and even more fun being the only person who went back to the house to watch him open up all of his gifts, I couldn’t get one nagging thought out of my head: I have to fix the lock on my door.  Can I do it? Will I need to consult my fix-it book? Will I need to call a locksmith?

Well, just call me “Ms. Goodwrench.” Because while being single has its ups and downs – one thing is for sure. You have to learn to do things on your own. You  have to learn to fix things on your own. You have to figure it out. And I did. My lock is fixed. Thankyouverymuch. Why? B/c I had to and I had no one else to turn to. So I did. And when I find “Mr. Right” – I can tell him, no, I got it. I can fix the door.  Or whatever else you throw my way.

And really, I think being able to say that is a very good thing!

Your Sense of Self

So I need to get this off my chest.  Or at least write it down publicly so I can always look back on it and remember how important this next statement is.  I was chatting with a friend yesterday – commisserating about our current situations.  She is in a committed relationship, but looking to make a career change. I am happy in my position, but looking to be in a committed relationship. Kinda, funny right?  Well, here’s the kicker. As we spoke, we talked about when things get us down, we need to get up, figure out what is messed up, and make a change.

Well that made me think – I do that. All the time. When things have me down, I tend to look at the situation and figure out a way to make it better. Or different. Or something that it isn’t. So we talked about all of the things we have each been trying to do in the recent past to make us feel better or at the very least, making the right steps in the direction we want to be in.  And as part of this discussion/journey, she made a statement that resonated with me. BIG TIME! B/c it was something I have been feeling, but couldn’t quite express. And she did it one sentence:

“Your sense of self is automatically offset by a lack of other half.”

Which is awful if you think about it, but it is totally true.  I have a job I like, with co-workers who I enjoy sitting with daily. I have my lovely little condo, with my furball to come home to every night.  A bunch of friends to spend nights and weekends with and an organization I love working with in my free time. And a supportive, crazy family who I can call on at any time.

Why isn’t that enough? That should make me feel “whole” – and for some reason I’ve been thinking subconsciously that it isn’t, b/c I haven’t found my better half. Yet. 

She also said I need to visualize myself as being whole, because, really, I AM!  This isn’t some women’s lib garb I’m just spewing to make myself feel better, but honest-to-god, truth. And something I need to remember on a daily, hourly, or even by the minute basis.

To my friend, thanks for all of your sage counsel.

I’d Like Someone Else To Do the Driving

I just want a nice guy. I’d like to think it was easy enough to find one. I still believe that I’ll find one – and soon. But as I look around, a new wave of my friends are entering new relationships or getting married. And I am happy for them. But it just stings a little. 

Here’s why:

• When I look at their Facebook profile picture, it is no longer just them. Its a super cute pic of them with significant other.
• When I make plans with them, its no longer for drinks and dinner. Its for lunch b/c they have a wedding appointment at night with their fiancee.
• When I get invited out to birthday parties, I look at the Evite and I’m the only one coming alone.

It’s simply the constant reminder that I don’t have a significant other. Let me be clear – I definitely do not feel like I’m alone and this isn’t a pity party. I just know that as things stay the same with Mr. Adonis (re: nothing is going to change and there is no future with us. At all), I need to move on.

The last few weeks  have been a lot of fun and the future weeks are shaping up to be a good time too. I just wish I wasn’t going to these places, restaurants, parties, and events by myself. I always seem to be driving somewhere either by myself or to pick up others. I just wish I had that someone else to do the driving.

Could Mr. Adonis Be “The One”?

No.

Plain and simple. Mr. Adonis is not the life of my life, nor do I live in some delusional world that would make me ever think he could turn into the one.

I was having dinner with one of my girls on Friday night – good wine, good food, better conversations. And I was telling her more and more about Mr. Adonis. He and I have been honest with one another. And as he’s in Foxboro right now at the Pats game, I felt somewhat compelled to get this out of my system.

I like him – a little bit. And I know he likes me – a little bit. But are we meant for each other. No. Is the time we spend together just for fun? Yes.  But as I was talking with my friend about him, she asked me if he could be “the one” or what if he was the one?

I dunno. I’d like to think that he could be. But that’s with my heart. My head knows that he is just filling in some time until I find that special person. I’d like to think that could happen really soon. The thing that drives me a little bonkers is the fact that we are really comfortable with one another that if you looked at us outside of what the situation really is, you’d think we could be a couple.

Too bad that won’t be the case. And I have /to just take a deep breath and sigh and keep reminding myself there is someone out there for me. If it’s not Mr. Adonis, it’s someone coming soon.

Thanks for letting me ramble.

Why I Have a Crush on Ben Stein

Do you know Ben Stein? You don’t think so? Of course, you do…

Remember this line?

Beuller….Beuller…

Yup, that’s Ben Stein. But now he’s not that obnoxious teacher who doesn’t get that Ferris skipped school that day. Today, among other things, he provides brilliant commentary on CBS’ Sunday Morning. Don’t judge me because I wake up every Sunday morning to make my own version of coffee and brunch to watch this show. Don’t judge me b/c I love it. And you can’t judge me b/c I loved what Ben Stein discussed on the last episode.

He talked about giving ourselves the greatest holiday present ever – forgiveness. I know in my last post I mentioned how difficult that would be – and I still believe it. Sometimes I can’t even fathom how to forgive people.  I won’t drone on about 2010 – I’ve done enough of that. But I guess I should listen to Ben Stein’s words and forgive people.  Not for any other reason other than it is what I deserve.  

So I guess this is it – this is me trying to forgive the people who turned their backs on me, weren’t there for me, and never made good on their promises. I can’t forget what  happened, and our friendships will never be the same, but I forgive. And with that I am moving on. 2011 will be better – because, well it has to be.

And in case you are calling me an old fogey for watching Sunday Morning, I think you should watch Ben Stein’s piece. It may just make you feel a bit better too.

Happy New Year y’all!

A Christmas Wish…

So, I stole this from a friend’s update the other day and for some reason I can’t stop thinking about it:

To your enemy, forgiveness.
To an opponent, tolerance.
To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, service.
…To all, charity.
To every child, a good example.
To yourself, respect.
~ Oren Arnold

It’s a beautiful sentiment. It is. But as I look back on 2010 and what I’ve been through, I don’t know if I can act on some of the things listed. I didn’t think it could top how difficult 2009 was, but in many respects, 2010 was more overwhelming and hurtful than I can ever express.  How do you forgive people who turned their backs on you when you needed them the most? Who weren’t honest with you? Who spoke ill of you?

And when these people make you doubt yourself, how do you look at yourself in the mirror and move on?

Well, it was a tough and windy road and while forgiveness is difficult, being able to forget is nearly impossible, moving forward and gaining self respect is imperative.  And no matter how many friends and loved ones I surround myself with, the one lesson I was reminded of this year is that the only person you can really depend on, is yourself.  Difficult lesson to remember, but unfortunately, very true.

However, above all else, I believe I am a strong person and I have this uncanny ability to move on and find a better life.  I am finally at peace with where some things are in my life and I have the hope that 2011 will bring me – and everyone else – greater peace and love than we could ever imagine.

Really – what better Xmas wish can anyone ask for?

Hi! I Missed You! It’s Been A Long Time…

Well, maybe not a long time, but a few weeks.  I have to say as much as I love, need, ADORE writing here, I have to admit it was nice to take some time “off the grid.” I haven’t checked Facebook as often as I used to, I no longer live by Twitter, and I don’t just go around thinking about “what can I write on TisWID” today….

I have to say, it’s taken a lot off of pressure off of me.

I missed it, but with everything going on in my life lately, as I mentioned, it was nice taking a break.

So, not like you have all these burning questions from me, but I figured I take some time to provide an update on the last month or so…

• I survived my family Thanksgiving – unscathed and unbruised (is that even a word??)
• I have taken on more responsibility at work – and they have allowed me to do so. I like “stepping up to the plate” – I do it well.
• I’ve taken some time to read a good book – and get back into a semi-normal workout routine
• I’ve met several new people and have had a good time getting to know them
• I’ve relaxed a bit and let go of all this stupid pressure I’ve put on myself to find the right man (he’ll come)
• I think I’ve gotten over the worst of my “transition” phase. I no longer wake up angry at people these days.

And yes, I have still pondered the great questions associated with online dating, such as:

• Why do you wink at me and not respond when I send an email back
• Why do you email me and when I reply, you not begin correspondence (HELLLLLO BOYS – you started the convo, KEEP IT UP!)
• Is this “chemistry” really true chemistry?
• And why do I spend my hard-earned money on sites that make me pose these questions?

So dear bloggy word, with all that being said and my half-ass update to you all, I have to say, I love writing here and believe its oh-so-cathartic, but there is something about living my life in life and not on the internet that has so much appeal to it. Hence, I will continue my trail of not living and dying by social media and I will not spend money on dating sites (unless, I’m really, really, really, REALLY desperate) and I will not live to figure out topics for this blog. I’m just gonna go on this ride and see where it takes me. And of course, I’ll continue to update as regularly as I want, but for now, “we’re on a break.”