Tag Archives: Reflection

Just Because I’m Single…

21 Jul

I have a beef to make…is that the right saying?  If not, here’s what I’m trying to say…I have a problem with married people.  Not that I’m not happy for you. Or your respective husbands or wives. Or children. Or pets. My problem is that you think just because I am single, I have more flexibility than you do.

Newsflash: I am just as busy, if not busier than you.  Here’s why:

  • I have to clean my house. I am not a two-income household. And yes, my house may be smaller than yours, but I have MY OWN and I have to clean it. I have some disposable income, but not enough to pay for a housekeeper.  Which most of you do. The housekeeper, that is. You don’t have to worry about keeping your home clean because some helps you.
  • Similar to above, I have to do my own grocery shopping and cooking. I have no help for that. So sometimes, I spend my Sunday mornings prepping for the rest of the week. I can’t just send my hubby to do it.
  • Did I mention my bills? I have to take the time to pay for them. And guess what, with a home – I have the same amount/number of bills as you.  Mortgage, insurance, water, etc.etc. etc.
  • And God forbid something breaks. I need to research and find people to help fix the big problems in my house – y’know…A/C, plumbing, etc. And guess what? That takes time and money. Must I reiterate this is a one-income, one person household? So it all falls on me.
  • I work very long hours. I work across many different timezones – and oftentimes work 12 hour days. And I can’t use the reason of going home to a family to get the better work/life balance. I still have to commute, clean, cook, and take care of me.  Which all takes time.
  • I date. Yes, just because I’m single, doesn’t mean that I don’t go out. Do you know how exhausting it is to date in your 30s? Especially when you work 12 hour days (see above!)? And it takes more effort than when in your 20s to make yourself look presentable.
  • I have pets just like you. But when I travel – and trust me, I travel more than most – I have to figure out who takes cares of Bella. I don’t have husband to watch over her  when I leave. I have to plan. (And yes, pay for a petsitter.)
  • I commute – and unfortunately, it takes a long time to get to the job that pays me what I need to be paid in order to pay the mortgage, the bills, my food, and my pet sitter for when I travel. Not that you don’t commute as well, but I don’t have that person to lean on, talk to, vent to, etc. when commuting for long periods of time.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think your lives are always perfect. And I appreciate every single one of my friends and feel that being husbands/wives/parents are the greatest gifts you can offer to this world. But I also hope that this feeling could be reciprocated. Just once for the single girl.

Because I’m single, doesn’t mean that I can just always come to you. Sometimes if you came to me, had dinner at my house, or simply understood that I can’t always drop my responsibilities at the drop of a hat just because you want me to, I would feel better.  But to always expect me to drive the 10, 20, 50+ miles to visit you…well, its a hard pill to swallow.

For once, it would be nice if the married people understood that being single still has it’s responsibilities. Just because we’re single, doesn’t mean that we are single-minded.

Song Saturday: Can’t Drink You Away

26 Apr

 

 

Song Saturday: Say Something

19 Apr

Say something, I’m giving up on you
I’ll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on you

Introduction: Low Key Dude

15 Apr

OK, OK, so anyone who knows me in real life, knows I am anything BUT low key most of the time. The words “calm”, “carefree”, and “low key” are not descriptors of me.  Which is why I think I was so attracted and interested in Low Key Dude.  It is also no surprise to anyone who knows me that, I date men online.  Which is where I met Low Key Dude (LKD for short, K!)

So I met him on eHarmomy a little more than a year ago. He texted, he called, he actually asked me out. Gasp – via a call and not a text (to understand my feelings on texting, read here!) He called me that night – grant it, I was already on my way to meet him – to confirm our date. He waited for me outside the restaurant.  We ordered a few apps. We talked for a couple of hours (which is how I handle most dates.)

And when it was all said and done, I came to one conclusion, he was an overall nice guy. No complaints. And I decided if he asked, I would go out with him again.

He did…and I did.  And we had fun. I can’t exactly remember what we did (which should probably indicate one or two things), but we had a nice time (note just “nice.) And then we went out again.  It became apparent that we were starting date.

And then some red flags hit.  He stopped trying to impress me after date three or four (goes to a clothing issue – again, feel free to call me narcissistic, but I think you should put some effort in impressing a new gal for a bit) and then he pushed for a title. Can you believe it? HE pushed for a title/definition of what we were. Now, I don’t want to stereotype, but I am a firm believe in what will be, will be.  And no one should push it.  And the guy pushed it – which never happens to me. Maybe it happens to other women? If so, please comment, I’d love to read about your experiences.

But long story short, we did eventually put a title on it and it never felt natural to me.  I’ll go into details about him and that situation in further blogs.  Like I said LKD was a super nice dude, but I think I/he/we tried to forcefit something that wasn’t natural. And that never works out. Ever. LIKE NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS.

Have you or a significant other ever tried to forcefit something? Push something that just wasn’t right? If so, please share.  I can always learn.

He Didn’t Own Pants?

10 Apr

Caught with pants downSo it’s been two years. And I didn’t realize it was that long. I was in a dark(ish) place back then. I was using this blog as a place to vent and be a b!tch. I hated that. Since then, I’ve dated several men and fell for two. I’ll go into details about both in later blog, but quickly:

 

  • Low Key dude – he was awesome. He owned his own business, his own house, but not his own suit. Or pants for that matter. Well he owned jeans. Dirty jeans and shorts. I’m sorry – call it narcissistic, but I think any man in his mid-30s should own slacks and at least one suite. He fought me on it when we were supposed to go to a wedding together. Needless to say, we never made it to said wedding.
  • Surfer dude – complete opposite of low key dude in sooo many ways. He was polished, incredibly intelligent, and we had an amazing connection. Like ah-ma-zing. Like “WHOA, did you just feel that?” kind of connection. We were friends, which turned into benefits, which turned into both of us freaking out on one another for no good reason. Basically as awesome as he was, he brought unnecessary drama into my life. I adored him and we had that “thing” on so many levels that doesn’t come around often. But for some reason, we couldn’t make that connection last. Sadly, he always thought the worst of me. And that broke my heart.

So if one broke my heart and one didn’t own a suit for a wedding, can you guess who I stayed with longer? Who was my long-term boyfriend and who was short-term?
(I’m sure you have an idea….not saying it’s right or I’m right, but this is my journey. Welcome aboard!) I’ll discuss more in further entries. And I do hope you share your stories along the way!

Protected: When You Need to Go Into Self-Preservation Mode

22 Dec

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Is It OK to be Sad?

14 Sep

Most times, I am a happy person. My friends turn to me to be the jovial one, the person that makes the party a little bit more memorable in some possible way.

Am I overexaggerating? Being a little too cocky?

No, they’ve told me. And they remind me of such when I’m not my usual self (and yes, that happened a couple of times last night).  Why am I sad? Well, let’s discuss….

  • I’m sad over 9/11. I know, I know. Everyone is.  It’s so much more than just a blemish on our history. It’s a big, black, thunderstorm that likes to rain on our parade every year. While I KNOW others went through a helluva lot more than me, my sign is Cancer (aka very sensitive) and everything bothers me a little more than I should. Plus my mind is a steel trap and I remember everything from that time period. I remember where I was sitting when we first head the news.  I remember running to the TV in my office. I remember calling my mom. Trying to find my friend who was in the second tower that was struck. I remember calling our other friend, frantic, panicking, trying to find her. We found her. Safe and sound. Well not sound, but at least safe and now she has a beautful family far away from NYC.  I remember going down to the Pentagon about a week later to work. I remember seeing that big, black, gaping hole.  That one thing that reminded me, “yes, this happened. Yes, you witnessed history. Yes, this may be your generation’s JFK moment”, but you need to become stronger from it.
  • I’m sad because I miss my mother more during these times. More than I do on a daily basis. More than I can express. I cry every day I think of her this much and it hurts. It hurts me to the core and I just sit here and cry.
  • I’m sad because this year hasn’t been everything I hoped it would turn into. I had so many dreams and ambitions and projects I was working on. And for some reason or another, I lost the drive. I lost the will to move forward. I’ve tried and tried and for some reason I lost the young enthusiasm I once had.  And it makes me feel old. And I know I’m not old, I have so many years ahead of me. But when I can’t keep up with myself, I feel that way.
  • I’m sad because although I’m happy with my job and appreciate the friends that have stuck by me. And those who have either come in or re-entered my life. But I’m missing that one last piece. That one little piece of my life that hasn’t fallen into place yet. I’m happy for everyone who has found that person, but I have to ask “when will it be my turn?” I’ve meet a ton of guys and for one reason or another, it doesn’t fall into place.  I don’t fall into his life and vice versa. I try to stay positive, but sometimes, with all this extra weight on my shoulders, it’s tough. And the latest guys have fallen short. Very, very short of any expectations I had. Which were little.

Well, enough of this pity party. If you have any ideas on how to cheer me up, I’m ALLLLL ears.  PLEASE SHARE!